My birthday was 2/23 and a co-worker informed me that he smokes meth a few times a month. I am 39 years old and have already been through years of opiate addiction and still take suboxone every day for that. Besides weed the only thing I would do is a few adderall every month. But I would always go overboard, if I get 6 30mg I immediately take 3. So I decided if I can handle that, I can handle meth. And I did handle it well until something bad happened while I was crashing and I had the worst breakdown of my life.

I told myself and two other people that I confided in about the meth usage that I would never do it again. Well I’ve done it at least once a week ever since then. This last one started Thursday. I slept for like 3 hours on Saturday but I haven’t had a full night sleep (at least 6 hours uninterrupted) in over 2 weeks. I can tell that I’m going to let it get out of control but I don’t want to. I just love stimulants too much. I can focus like crazy and I like that feeling.

I’m not going to sit here and say I’m never doing it again because I definitely will. But I definitely do not want to become an everyday user. But I guess I’ll have no choice.

Fuck I’m hallucinating.