Context: my cousin died of an overdose four years ago. Was snorting coke and it was laced with fentanyl. At least that’s what the coroner said. Idk. He struggled with poly addiction so anything’s possible, but it was fent for sure that ended him.

I often get really torn up around this time of the year because this is when he died. What messes me up the most is thinking about him dying alone. Scared. And not knowing what he experienced. He didn’t deserve that. No one does.

People who have OD’d- did it hurt? Did you realize what was happening? We’re you scared? I feel like for some semblance of peace of mind I just need to know. I hate wondering. I know no one really knows since no one was there…but knowing how other people have felt when they’ve gone through it and come out on the other end can help set my mind at ease at least with the wondering.

I don’t know. I really hope he passed without really knowing. But the looming question of it messes with me.

Sorry if this is out of place here. Thank you.

Edit: oh my gosh thank you all so much for your responses. I’m going to add more to this edit once I get out of an appointment- but seeing your responses has put my mind at ease infinitely. Very much appreciate you all and hope you all are doing better now ❤️

Edit 2: obligatory about my cousin— he was THE MOST stubborn person I have literally ever met. And I loved him more for it. But it’s what ended him. He was so beyond intelligent, but his stubbornness told him he could outsmart addiction. It’s like he played chess with drugs. He was too witty for it in his mind. He found a way to do the impossible. Until he didn’t. The day he died is the day the world lost one of the most loyal, kind, and hard-headed people that has ever lived. Oh man did he piss people off lol. But he had your back. I do truly miss him every single day. Please take care of yourselves. Obviously I don’t really know any of you, but just know I do care from afar. And I’m no stranger to addiction issues believe me. So I get its not easy. There’s hope for each and every one of us, though. Sorry for the soap box speech I know it’s probably annoying (he’d cringe if I said any of this in person to him lolol). Thank you all again for putting my heart at ease here. It’s very appreciated.