So around 4 weeks ago I went on a tolerance break from weed because Ive been a semi-heavy smoker/daily smoker for about 2 years (I'm 20F) and eventually it just started making me paranoid, anxious, and just getting feelings of dread about the world and my health (especially my heart for some reason).

A week into the tolerance break on a Saturday, my partner and I had some bikkies (~3 points each, snorted over a few hours) and finished a gram of ket between us. We had like a third of the bag first which is my first time having ket without weed and it make me feel so out of body and anxious so we sobered up and bit and then did the bikkies and the rest of the ket and I had a great time after that. Sunday was fine, but Monday I had my usual coffee and out of nowhere I had a massive panic attack where my heart rate jumped so high and my body went numb and we went to the hospital because I was really worried it had something to do with my heart.

Everything was okay, no problem with my heart or bloods, and they prescribed me some valium which helped me through the rest of the week because those feelings of dread and anxiety just kept lingering (as to be expected).

The weekend after, I'd stopped the valium the day before and we had a little bit of ket and a small amount to drink at a friend's house and it was okay, but the next day I had some bad anxiety again. So a few days later I tried again with a little bit of ket with my partner and I just didn't feel right. Just made me too anxious and a little paranoid so I stopped early. Next day the same anxiety rose up again for most of the day but I was totally fine after a call with the hospital phycology team. So I'm staying off the ket for a while.

Now, this weekend I wanted to see if I could start weed again so I took a little puff of my dry herb vape. Instantly the big anxiety rose up, heart rate jumped up, but I slowly calmed myself, layed down and though I was still quite anxious it got a lot better after about 2hrs.

But then we decided to go out for lunch and I saw a random sign about climate change doom and instantly fell into this disassociated state and felt really outside my body/didn't feel real. Which I really struggled through but managed to mostly stay calm and made it through. I've had that tons of times before but it never made me panic or scared like it did today. After, we just went home and I layed down and decided to just sleep it off for a few hours, which worked. But I took one of the valium I was given after just to take the edge off.

Now I really want to be able to smoke again one day (I'm going to stay off it for a while longer), and I was planning on taking some MDMA/ket on my birthday (new years eve) but ngl I'm a little scared that I might have a bad reaction.

Also I am seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist soon to deal with these feelings and maybe get some medication so Im not trying to self medicate with weed or anything.

I was just wondering if anyone's had this kind of experience, if you could share what that was like, and whether you were able to enjoy recreational drugs again? My partner had a really bad experience with weed a few years ago and doesn't smoke daily anymore but can have a little bit here and there, and has no problem with ket or MDMA which gives me some hope.

Any advice on this would be great too.

Also just to add, I'm used to taking medium to high doses to MDMA at raves every faw months and after we usually get together and do a little more with some ket until I start to mildly (or just fully) hallucinate and I love the disassociative feeling that comes with it. And come down has never been a big problem for me.

Thank you for reading all of that!