I’ll Pass (a true story)

by Never Wm. M. S. Hall (@22Jun)

The other night, I held a very engaging conversation with a demon, whom, at first, seemed to speak with correct knowledge and truth. However, as demons are want to do, he began to press home a point of which he had attempted, several times throughout the evening, to convince me.

“In order to have equality… true equality amongst all people, there must be trust between them. Yet, in order for there to be trust, there must be complete and total disclosure of all personal information between all people; everyone must be able to know and witness everything about everyone else, all the time, or they will never trust each other. And if they don’t trust each other, there can be no equality.”

I didn’t fully understand his reasoning, so I pried, “Why would I have to let you be party to every aspect of my life in order to consider you an equal? The one has nothing, what-so-ever, to do with the other.”

“Because if people don’t trust each other, they won’t treat other people as equals,” he repeated.

But then it hit me; I was talking to a demon. And his reasoning stemmed from his paranoia… his fear of humanity, and the justice they might seek against him for his past transgressions against them, was being made apparent through his logic.

So, I continued to pry, “Still not understanding what trust has to do with being treated as an equal, or treating others as equal.”

“Because,” he said, “if I can’t trust that you are always being honest with me, then I won’t treat you as my equal. I’ll keep things from you and try to be sure that only those people I can trust have the information they need to get ahead.”

“Why would you do that?” I was still confused.

“Because I don’t what you’re keeping from me, or what you’ll do with that information.”

“But no one is going to share, with perfect strangers, every detail of their lives,” I reasoned.

He huffed, “The only reason why people would hide anything is because they’re ashamed, or afraid, of what others might think. Or if they’ve done something they shouldn’t do. Otherwise, there is no reason to hide or keep secrets.”

Now, I understand why demons keep secrets, I thought. Though, argumentatively, it could be construed as the psychological bend of an exhibitionist, a voyeur or an attention whore. But, I argued, “That’s bullshit! There a hundred and one things I could think of, off the top of my head, that I would never share with you that have nothing to do with being ashamed, or afraid, of what other people would think, and have nothing to do with having done anything wrong. There are moments of conversation, or events, with my father, my wife, my children, my grandparents, loved ones and friends which I hold sacred. And, though I might decide to share bits of those moments with someone close to me, I’d never discuss those moments with you, or some perfect stranger.”

“But some bit of knowledge which you gained in that conversation with your father might help someone else. Why wouldn’t you want to share it?”

I was insulted, “Because it’s private. Those moments are personal. You don’t share intimate moments like that with strangers.”

“But you can’t call yourself honest if you don’t fully disclose everything. And if you’re keeping secrets, even moments like those conversations with your father, then you’re not being honest. Because, we all know, omission is dishonest and deceitful.”

“First off,” I laughed, “I didn’t agree to disclose anything. Second; No -the fuck- it’s not! If you ask me a question and I refused to answer your question, that is not being dishonest. If I’m telling you, I’m not going to tell you, I’m being perfectly honest.”

He grew, obviously, irritated, “Any answer to any question which isn’t the complete truth is a lie.”

“Wrong. There is what’s true. There is what’s false. And there is No Answer… Not Knowing. That which is unknown can not be presumed to be false.” I couldn’t believe the over simplification of his logic. And I understood, in the instant, that this demon was one which I had, many times, directly challenged; Duality. I was now being challenged by Duality, himself.

“Look, just because You don’t know the truth, and I’m unwilling to give it, doesn’t mean I’m a liar. What it means is that our connection, whatever that may be, does not merit the sharing of that kind of personal information.”

“But you’re being deceitful by not sharing the complete truth, because, logically speaking, a statement can only, logically, be true or false.”

“But,” I returned, “if no statement is made, there is no statement to judge true, or false; a non-statement is not a statement.”

Now, he seemed frustrated and excited, as if there were something I’d overlooked, “If I ask you, What’s your birthday? And you answer, I’m not telling you. ‘I’m not telling you’ is not your birthday, so it’s a lie.”

“No, it isn’t. You ‘re attempting to use a prerequisite of spoke language, namely the fact that in order for me to relay to you that I’m not going to answer you question, I have to actually say, I’m not going to answer your question, as a default to a false statement. That’s not accurate. Nor is it correct.” I wasn’t certain, anymore, if he was serious, or just joking.

“OK. Let me explain it like this,” he parried. “If you were entering information into a computer, and the computer asked you for your birthday, and you entered, I’m not going to answer, the computer would answer that as a false statement.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” I laughed outright. “It wouldn’t accept that answer at all. – I’m a contract database developer and information security systems consultant… for 16 years.

The computer would register a non-statement as NULL, because I simply wouldn’t put anything in that space. In a written request for information, a written response is NOT prerequisite to a non-answer. In that case, you simply Don’t Answer.”

“Not if it’s programmed to accept it as either True or False… Not if it were programmed to rule a NULL response as false.”

Still grinning, “Now, you’re talking about a bad programming issue.” I added, “You do realize that I write queries like this all the time. And, on my integrity as a developer, I would never allow an irregular statement to be placed in a specific texted area. Every textbox in any interface is formatted to receive the correct type of response, but it can never be programmed to judge a response, or, more specifically, a non-response.”

“What if the computer already knew the correct answer…”

“Then it wouldn’t ask me the question. That would be redundant,” I snapped. “Look, you went from humans to computers.” But, here, I realized, this must be how demons think; like computers. “I’m not a computer. Humans are not digital. Nor would we want to be. People are closer to analog… Just like with radio, if the wind blows too hard, you get static.” I made a mental note to redress this line of thought. Have demons been manipulating humans into using digital technology for exactly this reason?

“Well, then you can’t call yourself an honest man.”

“Withholding information is not dishonesty,” my disbelief at his simplicity was mounting.

“But omission is a lie.”

“And who convinced you of that lie?”

“That is a fact that is widely accepted,” he pouted.

“Sure,” I answered, “By insecure people in bad relationships. But you’re forgetting, we’re not in a relationship… at least, not one which requires that I share everything with you.”

“Well then, you can’t expect that all people will be treated equally,” was his retort.

So, because your people are so paranoid about the possibility of suffering the repercussions of all your past crimes and misdeeds, you would withhold equality… as if it were yours to keep from us. But, again, I’d only thought this part, I hadn’t said it.

After shaking off my initial frustration at even entertaining this conversation, and getting passed the revulsion of speaking with this simpleton, I did, finally, say, “IF you are correct, and constant full disclosure of every aspect of my life is prerequisite to True Equality, then Fuck Equality Up The Ass With A Fist!”

He stared, blankly, at me. His blue eyes seemed to grow a shade more pale than they had been. His pale complexion turned sallow as he raked his hand through his blond hair.

“You would pass up being considered equal just to keep your secrets.”

“I would pass up being considered equal to those who are obviously not equal to me,” I grinned. “Besides, I can’t miss what I never had.”

He simply stared at me, in what seemed, befuddlement.

“My people have never been considered, by your people, to be your equals. But, to fully disclose, my people have never considered your people our equals;

Morally, we are more grounded…

Physically, we are faster, stronger, better…

Mentally, we are naturally inclined to being more intelligent, as our very lives depend on it…

Psychologically, because of the evil and brutality of you and your people, then and now, we have been conditioned to having a stronger mental endurance and stability…

And Spiritually, …well.

“In fact, the only way in which you might consider yourselves superior would be in your desperate ability to be morally base and apathetic as it pertains to your vicious accumulation and selfish hording of wealth and resources; which, in the end, only proves our superiority in everything else. Because you have to be selfish, cruel, vicious, deceitful and amoral in order to survive, equally, in a world with us. Otherwise, you simply can not compete.”

At this he had no rebuttal, - except, “So, you don’t care about having True Equality?

It was in that moment that I realized that he wasn’t asking this because he believed that I wanted to be considered his equal. He was asking me this question because he wanted to be my equal.

So, I answered the demon, “You can’t miss what you never had.”