I'm sorry but I'm going to need some time off.

Phoenix died suddenly tonight, it was very unexpected.

He had gotten better from his original autoimmune problem, but the steroids caused a GI bleed which required a transfusion. He got a transfusion, but he had a bit of a reaction to it, and I believe he threw his first PE about 4 days ago. He was readmitted to the hospital, on oxygen, heparinized and doing better. His respirations were going back to normal and we all thought that he was going home. Tonight he looked the best that he had looked in a while. But then suddenly, it wasn't.

All in all over the past 2 months, he spent almost 30 days in the hospital and was admitted six different times for complications related to each treatment that fixed the last problem. I have learned so much veterinary medicine in that amount of time. I tried to science this problem to the absolute extreme and did everything for him that medicine had to offer to save his life. He got treatments and things far beyond what most humans would get, but it still didn't matter.

Tonight, he looked uncomfortable for a little while, kept changing positions, and then suddenly coded. They couldn't get him back.

For the past 2 months when he's been sick, all I thought about after work was him. I've been giving him tube feedings and meds 7 to 8 times a day, rounding on him multiple times in the middle of the night, doing everything I possibly could do to save his life. He was an incredible cat. I owed him my best effort, but this has run my body into the ground. I haven't been this thin since the divorce. I'm not physically or mentally well right now.

His name was Phoenix for a reason. He's the brother of Arcturus, My first world record cat that I lost in the fire. Phoenix was the first Savannah I got after the fire, and I named him Phoenix Arcturus Powers for a reason.

He was only 5 years old.

I am beyond devastated. My mental health was already terrible from the stress of this and it's worse now. I need to take some time off. I'm sorry. I'm not competent right now to see patients.

I'm going to share some photos of him, one from when he was healthy and strong. He was a beautiful and amazing cat who loved people and liked to give head butts and show affection to anyone who would take it. He would stand on his hind legs just to give someone a head bonk, he was brilliant, the smartest cat I've ever owned, could open doors, and understood deeply the emotions of people and what they needed at the time.

When I went through my divorce after the fire, he was my best friend and constant shadow. He could see that I was struggling, and he would rub his head against me and show me that it was going to be okay.

I fought so hard for so long to save his life, to fail what feels like only feet from the finish line when he was finally better on so many fronts has me absolutely devastated. I don't know how to cope with this endless cycle of grief anymore. It's seemingly all life has in store for me and has for 5 straight years for anything I love and care about. My life continues to be just an endless cycle of tragedy.

I don't know how I'm going to cope with his loss, he was my best friend. I don't know how I'm going to live without him around anymore. I'm going to need some time. Time is the only thing that has ever lessened the pain of all my horrible memories and tragedies. I'm sorry to my patients. I hope my staff members can take care of your needs while I'm gone.

Thank you for your understanding. I wish I had better words, but this guy meant the world to me, and I can't believe he's truly gone forever.