Inspired by a post earlier today, I want to just offer a genuine thank you to the women here--and to talk about women's mental load.

Yes, I certainly know there are male and non-binary/gender queer folk here as well. If you've been here any length of time you hopefully know that everyone is welcome.

But my guess is the majority of people here identify as women.

A number of years ago, my nesting partner gave me an article on women's mental load. Based on both broader research and the author's own experience as a woman, the piece spoke about the tremendous amount of largely unseen and unappreciated work women do in most heterosexual relationships. Women manage the vast amount of emotional labour (making sure everyone's feelings are taken care of, often at the expense of their own, for example) and mental labour (knowing when birthdays are, planning holidays/vacations, knowing when household items need to be replenished, etc) in many homes. This is often in addition to any professional obligations they have outside the home. Women often, in effect, have two jobs. One outside the house as well as running the house and managing various things for its occupants. Men will often say, "I'll do anything she asks me" without recognising the effort in keeping the list of what needs to be done in her head.

Of course, this isn't in all relationships and the research says same-sex couples tend to divide such work more evenly. I'm going to guess that polycules that live together probably do this better too--though in my limited experience living with polyam partners it was still the women managing most of this stuff.

I read the article and then found some more. A search of "women's mental load" will bring up plenty.

It helped me see and appreciate all my partner did to keep the house running smoothly. It's also helped me to appreciate and acknowledge the work my other polyamorous/kink partners do and my women colleagues do as well.

Basically it helped me see the women in my life more clearly and the weight of expectations that almost all of them seem to carry--and were taught to carry since a young age often. It also helped me understand why "good girl" can often feel incredibly powerful.

I won't go on, though I easily could. It would be easy for me to tie this into some of the less healthy overtones you see in many D/s dynamics.

I just want to say a sincere thank you to the women here. The ones who manage so much, who carry so much, and give so incredibly much to their partners, families, and communities. Add to that all that is offered and given through beautiful submission and it adds up to a tremendous amount.

You deserve appreciation and praise. You certainly deserve to be seen.

I hope you're getting the approval and recognition you deserve from your partners and others--and I know that many of you are not, for a variety of reasons.

For all of you who just need to hear it though, thank you.

You're doing so much. I don't even have to know you at all to be sure you are managing so much. Maybe a household and kids, maybe a demanding job, maybe painful family relationships, maybe your own mental health or physical challenges, or the pain of loneliness or heartbreak--maybe all of that and more. It doesn't have to be as "bad" as anyone elses. It's not a competition and you absolutely don't have to be perfect.

Whatever it is, it's a lot and you deserve to be seen for all that effort.

Thank you. Thank you for all you do and are. Really.