30, M4M, sub/slave here. I'm mostly into power exchange, I love being ordered around, disciplined, made to do stuff I dislike (within limits oc), punished if I fail, etc. And I love being treated like a slut.

Due to some body issues (which still pertain and some of them make it already very hard to find a sexual partner as it is), I got a relatively slow entry into sexual life, and therefore into BDSM life. For the first decade or so since puberty, I basically never went out seeking any kind of sex (BDSM or vanilla), and it only happened when someone randomly popped up in my life via different social situations. And when it did happen, it was awesome - I had several sessions which reaffirmed me that submitting is what I really crave and enjoy. But they are still just single digit in quantity.

Tl;dr: I'm 30 and quite inexperienced. Sounds like no one really wants that. Training an 18yo twink seems to be attractive for many, training a 30yo pig less so. What I usually get are people who are extreme to the point of being unsafe (and I suspect that's just because those don't really get that many options), but then while being inexperienced, I've already learned my lesson to not accept that. Besides, I think I'm terrible at sex. I've had a super traumatising anal experience (that was that lesson) and I'm unable to put anything up my ass. Recently I found out that guys who know how to use their dicks can make it work and on one occasion I actually managed to take a rather large one in. But I can't do it myself, thus I can't prep, thus I basically tell people that anal is off the table (not very popular with doms). On the oral front, I love it a lot but I have a super strong gag reflex partially due to inexperience and partially due to some issues with my air ways. So I even suck at sucking (unless the guy is okay with me puking on his cock, which most aren't). Both can probably be solved with some training, but I can't train myself at anal, because I can't put anything up there myself, and the oral training with a dildo just gets me depressed with how terrible I am.

I'm scrolling through dick pics, reading from doms, watching porn, reminiscing those few lovely sessions I had in past, and getting all depressed about not being to relive that. I try but even if I find someone who's actually a good dom (and I'm doing that all over the continent), when we start chatting, it usually comes to them telling me to train myself, and my inability to do so is read as laziness / not being serious / being a timewaster (and I don't blame them for that, because I know that's a real issue with many subs) and end up feeling useless, because why would a really good master waste his time on me when there's so many better options.

I wish I was more confident in my early 20s and would have reached out to doms back when being inexperienced was attractive. But I didn't and now it feels like I'm never gonna get what I crave, I'm never gonna find someone worth suffering for. I'm bursting with the need to give, to be a good boy for someone, to do whatever I reasonably can to make them happy, but there's no one who wants to take it.