Orc fighter in a party of three

Rest of the party is an elf bard and a human rogue

Human rogue can't make it to this session

Luckily our party got split up at the end of the last session so DM has planned a mini-adventure for me and the bard

Me and bard find each other

Neither of us have seen the rogue

Decide to hang out in town for a day or two in hopes he shows up

We pick up an easy job escorting a cart full of hay with a totally not suspicious hooded figure

Halfway through journey we are ambushed by four Kobold

Three charge us with spears while one tries to hit us with a sling from the field they emerged from

Bard kills one with his rapier

I knock one out by cracking his skull with knuckle dusters

Bard chases sling kobold into the field while I stomp the knocked out one to death

Sling Kobold escapes

Combat ends

Bard walks back to me and we congratulate each other on a job well done

Bard looks around and realizes we don't know where the fourth is

Bard pokes some nearby bushes with his rapier while I look around the cart

Kobold is using flint and tinder to try and set cart on fire

Combat starts again

Kobold has the initiative

Charges me with his spear

Spear breaks off into leather armor

Kobold is now about two feet in front of me holding a broken stick

Turn to DM

Probably my third session ever. Not sure how to tell him what I want to do.

"Uhh... Do I have to do anything special to do a... Let's call it a grab attack."

"Just tell me what you want to do and I'll decide how many rolls you'll need to do or if you can't."

"Alright.. I wanna thumb the kobold's eyes out."

DM looks absolutely horrified. Clearly uncomfortable from how violent this just got.

"Ugh! God! I- Why wou-!? Jesus! ...just, roll it."

17

Reach forward and thumb the kobold's eyes out.

The kobold tries to bite my arm

Breaks his teeth on my iron bracers

Suddenly notice the cart is starting to catch

Not a big fire, but I need to act quick or I'm not getting paid

"I roll to grab the Kobold's head and use it to smother the flame!"

DM is getting squeamish, now. After some more exclamations of discomfort. Tells me to roll it.

Only 12, but the kobold is in too much pain to resist

Smother the flames with the side of the Kobold's head while it thrashes and screams

Fires out

Kobold collapses

Combat ends

"Is it dead?"

DM frowns and narrows his eyes. Afraid of saying yes.

"...Yes, but it's half-concious. He's squirming a bit, but clearly not getting back up."

"I roll to stomp on his head!"

"Fine. Roll it."

Roll d20

It is midair

Hasn't touched the table yet

"IT'S DEAD. YOU CRUSH HIS SKULL, AND IT FUCKING DIES. OKAY!? ARE YOU HAPPY YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!??!"

Bard runs over to see what's up

Sees the kobold's corpse

Thousand yard stare

Mysterious hooded figure doesn't care, just wants to finish the run

Deliver hay

Get back to town without any further complications

Spend our hard earned gold at the Horny Hobbit Inn & Brothel

It was a fun session.