Just remembered what happened last session and aftering chuckling for a bit figured it'd be fun to share it.

So for a little bit of context, the gang a few npcs are in the midst of sneaking into a large group of Orcus worshipping necromancers, or as we like to call him, the Big O, because saying names of God's is basically putting a target on you for them to see who sayeth their nameth.

The cultists have taken over a ruined and deserted city that's only locals who move about the massive grasslands in caravans, so big cities aren't something they're into, which is why the necromancers have honestly just had free pickings and have held it for as long as they have, which has been a few years at least.

Our group goes as follows Abjuration Wizardbro-Hawk (ya boi) Fiendlock- Milo Grave Cleric- Mirthal Local vampire fursona Bloodhunter- Lestat Actual Furry Bloodhunter- npc Ranger from one of the caravan clans- npc

We managed to sneak into their sewers, which didn't go totally according to plan, so after setting off the alarm, dealing with some cultists,and some zombros, we slowly made our way to the castle of the city where they're major necrocultists are stationed. The city was full of undead, so we made use of the previous cultists robes/masks to make our way through the city mostly undetected. Of the massive undead hordes littering the streets, most were feral, from typical skelebros, to some sentient obscene abominations we had to sneak past.

Btw, Love our DM, he can craft some fucked shit from time to time.

When we actually get to the castle, I pull my magicbro shenanigans, using an arcane eye and luck to find their local magice circle in an old wizard tower, which after checking the cost was clear, used to get past patrols on the outskirts of the castle.

We also find out that they're planning a ritual, and because they know we're somewhere in the city, are moving things above schedule, so time is of the essence, mostly.

To describe the inside of the castle, it was in essence a large cross intersection, with the top of the cross leading to the second floor, where the baddies where when I was scoping it out, which was an old ballroom in times long past. The tower was to the left side of the intersection, but we didn't have time to scope the rest of the place, so we made due with what we knew.

We get into the tower, which is mostly abandoned besides a skelebro looking through books which didn't pay us mind, but outside the door, was this massive fuck off undead walking armorbro, or Andy.

That lies into our first problem. We didn't wanna cause a ruckus, didn't want the baddies to know we where INSIDE the castle yet, so it came down to fake it till you make it.

This is where my character comes into play, because besides being a massive fuck-off countermage nerd, he was pretty good with bullshitting on the fly, for reasons not related to the story.

So it comes down to me, and after giving a pep talk to the group of "just walk like you know what you're doing and where you're going", we just step into the hall and try to walk past.

Andy: Lifts halberd to stop us Speak what you're doing here." Me: "Hello, we were given orders to assist in the ritual, the schedule has been changed and moved up, and it's all hands on deck."

I'm pretty sure Milo wingmaned it for me, but I can't remember if he said anything or just helped with the roll.

Roll deception, do pretty good.

Remember kids, always sprinkle a bit of truth when you're completely full of shit, works every time

He signals to the other undead bro, or Bandy, who also signals back, before he lets us pass. Feeling pretty good, we keep going, and after a bit of walking, nearing the intersection itself, we realized something.

We don't actually know where the ritual is gonna be held.

Now this is a problem for a few reasons, most importantly, if we go down the wrong path, our cover is fucked.

We talked a bit out of game on what to do. The Arcane Eye was still online, so we could attempt to use it to check out the other side to see if it's there, but we're almost too the other side, and it wouldn't catch up, unless we started walking slow motion, something we considered for a while.

Here's the plan We(I) went with.

Me: I walk up to Bandy DM: okay? Me: I talk to him DM: Sure Me: "Hey sir, quick question, I know this is a bit presumptuous, but I was told the restroom was next to the ritual, but they never actually said where the ritual was? And I don't mean to be rude, but I've got to go, and I don't wanna crop dust people in the middle of the ritual, I wouldn't outlive the embarrassment."

Yeah. It wasn't the greatest thing I've tried to sell to someone, and after many laughs, took out our cleric for a minute with that one, DM has me roll a deception check.

Roll a 27.

More laughs.

Bandy: "You have been given horrid information. The restroom is in the left hallway behind you. The ritual is on the second floor." Me: "I'm terribly sorry, thanks for the help." Turns to the group "I can't believe they lied to me, the bathroom isn't even close to the ritual, what a dick."

Party couldn't believe that worked. DM couldn't believe that worked.

I could. Because I'm me, and Im perfect. When I wake up, I piss excellence, and no DM is truly safe, from what wacky plan I come up with during the in betweens of sessions.

Of course, things go haywire eventually, and we get into a tussle with some necromancers, but hey, story for another time

Tl;Dr, has to stop a ritual in a castle where we didn't know where the ritual was, so I asked a robot where the shitter was and to confirm it was indeed next to the ritual. It was not.