I guess I’m struggling with theatre of the mind, and realizing I’m having such a different gaming experience than anyone I’ve met.

Having zero visuals during play and I guess I mask enough to get by.

I’m about to finish mines of Phandelver with such an awesome group I’ve wanted my whole life. And I just got gifted Storm Kings Thunder randomly and I’ve always wanted to DM. I love getting goofy and saying fun stuff. But it’s really abstract and lateral.

The final session is a bbq this Saturday and I’m not sure if I can play ever again.

I’m missing something everyone else gets without effort, and I’m not sure what makes up for it.

Playing has helped. Sometimes I can see a quick clip but it’s usually morphed from things I’ve actually seen.

I’m sad because I love it all so much but I’m just not the same.

It feels like a cosmic joke. I’m highly creative and can’t see. Someone who is blind has better visualization than me.

Am I alone?

Is there anyone else with aphantasia playing or give me hope, DMing?

I want to DM and give my players the best, but I’m devastated to just give it up and rely on video games.

Rant over I’m beyond frustrated.