The short of it is, I feel like I'm putting forth a lot of effort and my players either won't or can't reciprocate. Putting numbers to organize my points.

1) We have a scheduling thing on google sheets we use to let each other know when we are free, or aren't. I've asked people to fill it out a week in advance; I've had people fill it out in half a week.

There's also a place where people can say when they're available, if not at our typical time.

I feel like I'm a little anal about it, but I wrote down how I'd like that process to be done, as it would help me understand people's availability. And people are doing it much more differently, yet achieving a similar result.

I know I'm being picky and what have you. At this point it feels like the principal of it; reading a few sentences shouldn't be hard, let alone asking for clarification.

(This whole Google sheet thing also came up because I was tired of privately DMing people and trying to go back and forth between people).

2) People don't know their abilities or what their stuff is, and as far as I know, haven't taken time to look at the PHB.

They all have access to the PHB, so lack thereof isn't an excuse.

It's been frustrating that they come to the table, completely not remembering new abilities, or trying to use some and just missing key information in them.

In my mind it's like, you have one sheet to remember. Just one. And one is a martial class, another a sorcerer. The things on their sheets are limited. It shouldn't take up much time. Just try.

3) Recently I asked my party "To better plan, what do yall think you will do/where will you go in your next session?"

One in particular said "just tagging along for the ride"

After probing him to elaborate he said "I've struggled with trying to understand dnd logic in this campaign so I'm taking a bit more of a laidback approach to how things go (not afking) and as this is my first campaign still, I think that's reasonable"

I then messaged him privately asking what some of these things are. One example he gave was money (maybe an issue because the world we are playing in is charging 10 times the cost of things. I even explained to him "this is what the module calls for", and tried saying that it may because of the culture and scarcity/demand for things). I looked up stuff in the PHB, sent screenshots, to see that he's gaming hours later.

I understand that he may be busy or didn't read them. I'm sure I'm in my head about this one a little bit. Overall though the passive vibes irk me very much.

So, I said "I'm going to take a hiatus with DMing for this game. I haven't been enjoying it recently. I'm going to take time to see what I can do to find joy in it again. I'm thinking it will be a few weeks or months, but I'm not putting any specific time frame on it."

I have talked with the people about these various frustrations, sometimes as a group or individually. Overall it doesn't feel like they're taking the game seriously. I feel like I'm a fun dispenser, and I'd rather not burn myself out or spoil any semblance of friendship kicking people out or being more demanding.

So, I feel silly, despite trying to assert the "my fun matters too" ideal, because I wonder if I'm just being too damn particular.