Hey fellas, going to post something that we don’t really see too much here. My situation is this: I’m her boyfriend (almost 2yrs) but the a-hole ex (4yrs ex), yes I can say that ($0 financial support to her for 3 years, constantly verbally abusive, constantly mean, disowned his 2 non biological daughters, is hot/cold with his son, and binge alcoholic) has stayed over several times - at his request, over the past few weeks so they can finalize their divorce papers and he can stay sober. He believes he still has a shot with her, but is complying as he wants a payout for booze, debt payments, etc. She wants to puke and scream at the thought of this all, and is doing this so he can file the divorce papers without issue- and can’t say I blame her.

He is totally selfish, doesn’t give a crap about the kids and just wants the convenience of her babying him, eating a ton of her food and doesn’t buy much groceries for himself. Just the toxic presence of him and it affects her mood and our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I haven’t seen her kids for a few weeks, and when I do, I imagine the girls will be happy to see me, but the son likely not due to Daddy issues - even though I’ve positioned myself as a friend and not a surrogate Dad.

Am I right to be upset by all of this and him being in her house overnight (sleeps in son’s room)? Is it ok to insist on a future zero tolerance of him sleeping over, even though it’s not my house (she is 100% owner) or is it situational and I leave it to her, trust her? If not zero tolerance, then what? Speak freely guys, and thanks in advance!

TLDR: Her deadbeat & verbally abusive ex staying over ‘conveniently’ for him in different room, and I am not ok with it. He is a leech. Affects her financially, emotionally, her kids, her budget and her and my relationship (bf/gf). I’m at the point of possible ultimatum, or another solution that you propose. She kept him around so that he can be sober to sign all papers and finalize the divorce.

All comments welcome!