I am new to this. Found put my wife was cheating. I had intuitions and caught in a wierd flirtasous chat with a coworker. She said nothing happened and she would stop. I wantes to believe it but something did not feel right. I had to replace her broken screen on her phone and for peace of mind i went through and found put is was slongoing and very.much active. They were dating and what not.

While finding out the truth sucks, im glad. The downside is I have four children. My oldest is nine and youngest is 5. Divorce is the only option and while I know its going to be rpugh on them I need to be able to get through this and shelter them from the fallout. I.want 50/5] custody, and I eventually believe she will lose it down the road. Her drinking is put of control I drink too but not nearly as much. Im usually a glass or two of red a night.

My daughter knows something os wrong but I cannot tell her anything. I moved my self into my oldest sons room until I speak with an attourney which is scheduled for tuesday.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Update: I am at the 5 day mark and I wanted to give you an update

My head today is much clearer and I am laser focused on what I want. My MIL, friends and family have all given me support amd solid advice as well as you all here.

My MIL would like me to try this counciling retreat to see if I can work this marriage out for the sake of the children. And I agree the children no matter what will suffer. The state I am in also sucks when ot comes to CS.

So I had a talk with my spouse (atm), I asked her what her intentions were, what she wantes out of what she is pursuing. At first she tried to deflect, transfer blame, narc behavior which is what I was told I was. I laid it down like this you have your options and you need to choose what you want as family amd for your children. I said you have a small window of oppurtunity that has been presented by your mother and I agreed. However, there is a catch, I wont wait to hear your decision. My ball is rolling, you will have to do this with me with no garuntee that I come out the other side with you.

I could see her wheels churning, and eventually she just let the emotions out broke down and admitted to it all. There is no excuse, and believe me she tried.

What I have down these past 5 days is really self reflect where I have failed this marriage and plans on how to deal woth myself for myself and my children. I was able to solidify my plans to be in place that my children and I will be stable if indeed this effort does not work out. Of course that means my parents moving in with me in my new home. Because my Job requires me to be oncall every 3-4 weeks and in an emergency I cant wait for someone to come to me to leave. But I am content and for once at peace.

I did commit to her that i will put the effort into this program and that she needs to put the effort into our family. She has no trust, she needs to be an open book, and she will have to leave her job to remove herself from the situation.

She is not to happy about the job idea but she has only been working there for 4 months. Either way I prepared her that I am going to contact this person abd that she has to change her number because the fall out is going to be rough.

I contacted the person left it that I know, and that from this point on you are not to stay away from her. If you persist then I will sit down with her boss and let them know one of them os leaving and let the boss choose which one.

Supposedly this person is a temp behavior staff at the school. She (spouse) is a special ed teacher in a school that right now has staff so limited they cannpt afford to lose a teacher. Not that it matters either way. The situation dictates that if you want to attempt to salvage the relationship sacrafices need to be made. I expected a childish response and of course got one that he will let his superiors know and all that. Which is fine, I dont need to respond anymore. I have no physical threats, and I honestly have no rage. I really am for once at peace with myself.

She has mafe it clear sge wants me and she made it clear that the family we built is her priority. But no matter what, I am happy, I am have confidence in myself, and I have this drive to move forward without her trying to drag it and slow it down. I commited to her that I will do the work and allow her the oppurtunity to as well, but no garuntee. I realize that I do not need anyone to make myself happy. I need me to do that for myself. I take care of myself and become a better man, the right people taht belong in my life will want to come to me.