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A failed marriage and feeling like a failed Dad
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My wife filed for divorce two weeks ago. It's honestly been a long time coming, we've essentially been co-living and co-parenting our 3 y/o for the last 2 years. In the moment, even though there are hurts that have broken the others trust, we stayed "together" in what we thought would be in the best interest of our child. It made sense in theory and it worked till it didn't. Our daughter is SO smart, she can read the room and started acting out when she'd feel the tension between her mom and I. No 3 year old should have to take on the responsibility of a mediator between their parents. It wasn't fair to her, or anyone for that matter to live in a house under those circumstances. She was being shown a terrible representation of what marriage is, parents who live in the same house and sleep in the same bed yet never show any outwardly affection towards each other.... no hugs, no kisses, nothing. Now we split time with her, as she is such a better loving version of herself with she's just with either one of us. We still make family time a priority but not as much as before. I know I'm not the only one going through this, and by no means am I the victim in all this... very much the opposite. Hurts and insecurities that I've carried with me since adolescence that prevented me from trusting others followed me into high school and collage. Things I thought I'd dealt with slowly crept to the surface of my life. I know I'm not the only one going through something like this but sometimes it feels that way. I default to isolation in times like this, avoid conflict at all cost. I guess this is just in a way me putting pen to paper and taking ownership of the new reality I face on a daily basis.

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1 month ago