Never settle for anything less than you deserve

I just really feel that I need to get this off my chest, it’s not a pity party, not a plea for help just a realisation that I need to get written down.

Today, after 15 years my relationship sadly came to an end. I have been what I consider a good husband and committed whole heartedly to my married life.

I will also state that I am great father and take the most active roll in my children’s lives and priosritise them in everything I do.

Now there’s two sides to a story and reading this you will only have mine.

There is only so long that you can be chewed up and spat back out. Belittled in everything you do from the way you cut an onion to the way you hold a paint brush before you mentally and nearly physically implode.

This woman who I cherished also weaponised sex and with held it from me for months at a time, but led me to believe that I was a freak, with an abnormal desire and expectation to want intimacy on at least a monthly basis.

The same woman who had an emotional and physical affair with her colleague, yet I was such a broken man that I was led to believe I was weak and couldn’t possibly function without her when she desperately came running back to me when I found out.

The same woman who used to call me fat, financially abuse me and give me the silent treatment for days on end.

Yet this was normal to me, this was what I had been led to believe what married life was. What I thought all of my friends lives were like.

I have had to lose friends because of this woman yet all along I couldn’t see the darkness she was surrounding me in.

I don’t laugh anymore, I’m the brokest ive ever been yet earn the most money I ever have and yet the workplace is my safe haven, but that’s marriage right???

WRONG!!! A marriage should be filled with love and joy and happiness. It should be a two way thing that helps you to grow through nurture like and old oak tree. It should be but sadly mine wasn’t.

What she doesn’t realise though, is that now, through all my experiences, I have had to become that oak tree, I’ve watered my own roots with the help of my children and am ready for the next stage in my growth, but sadly it will be on my own.

I don’t have interest in re-marrying because I am so damaged I need to heal!

I always offer sound advice to those around me and many are extremely thankful for my support, yet I can not take my own advice.

We are on this planet once and I am sadly already half the way through my time. But I will never ever settlefor less than I now realise I deserve.