Gosh, it's been a bit of a month.

Moved out of our marital home 4 weeks ago, but on moving day I slipped a disc in my back and had to go and stay with my parents. Meant I didn't see my daughter for 2 weeks, but it did let me start to recover.

Moved back down nearly 2 weeks ago, and settled into my new place now. But I just have waves of feeling so alone. My daughter is at nursery and I'm working from home, and it just feels unbearable. But sometimes, mostly in the evenings, I love it. It's so confusing.

My back is also still not right. I can barely walk 100m, which does make it hard to settle into life in a new place. I wanted to join a walking group to meet people - can't. I wanted to explore the town - can't. I wanted to join a football meetup - can't. Yet. Hopefully.

I also dipped my toe into dating, which I think I regret. I've been kinda seeing one woman (although with schedules being manic, and with my back, we've only had 2 dates in 2 months! But we text pretty much every day) - and I'm supposed to be seeing her on Monday. But I just don't know what I want from it. I want to feel wanted, I guess. I don't want another LTR yet (and neither does she) but the anxiety over dating feels unbearable sometimes. I think I have a scarcity mindset about dating - so I've latched onto this one person, even though it's probably not right.

I know what I WANT to do:

1. Learn to be happy and settled on my own
2. Enjoy my time with my daughter, and focus on her when she's here
3. Recover from my back injury and get myself back to physical fitness
4. Date again when I'm ready

But it's so hard to see that as a process to work on, I feel like a failure / pathetic for not having it all in place already.

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Sorry for this - it's just a long, self-indulgent vent / rant. But it does feel good to get it out.