So here's where I'm at 45M, I have our three kids primarily. My ex has them every other weekend (that's it). She had alot of issues in the past. And has been getting better..

The younger two don't mind going over to her place too much, my middle child finds it annoying.. And gets aggravated that she won't give him space. My teen hates going over at all (she saw some of my ex's issues) and it freaked her out a bit. Any case the older two kids are flat out that never want her to have 50/50 custody, and when I pick them up basically give me death grip hugs.

Meanwhile my ex, is constantly on about needing/requiring 50/50 custody, about 15 min ago I basically told her I can't talk about it and hung up. She lives outside of the school district. So I don't even know how that would work for school. But she wants them one week with me, one week with her. I told her before if she wanted to we can go to court.

I guess part of this is she's constantly demanding/ trying to argue with me why I'm not just letting her have 50/50. I don't know how to answer it. Partly as every time any discussion of the kids not wanting to spend alot of time with her. She basically interrogates them, wants a full detailed list as to why they don't want to be around her, so she can fix it. As she has to have them, (it's part of her mental issues to be super controlling/overprotective of the kids/others) This has led the kids to feel intimidated by her, any my son will try and find something to say. As she makes him feel like crap, because he's intimidated by her, and in different ways fears her. They aren't afraid she'd hurt them, really but the verbal abuse/anger she can wield, she's very good at and doesn't realize she does it. And when I call her out on it, or intervene she will then do it when she has the kids.

So what do I say/do? I mean I'm notifying my lawyer, and I know even in the past it's been a question of if she wants to go to court again, then we will. But in the meantime and even now what do I say to get her to back off? As she isn't one to accept any form of no. Ie she argued for 2 years straight (1-2 hours a day) with me as to why I wasn't ready to have my third child.

I can also say on here at least that I don't entirely trust her to be able to keep herself together with the three kids for a week or so at a time. In the past after 2-3 days, if someone else isn't there by the 3rd day at most she'd have a headache and wouldn't be able to get out of bed.

Update: So here's the question aside from telling her to go to court. How do I deal with an ex who constantly goes to argument mode. Really what/how do I tell her so she gets the idea that the kids shouldn't be around her for a week at a time. Which sounds unrealistic..