I am 22 years old and my wife and I will be married for 2 years this month. we have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. We are currently renting a house. We are doing the divorce ourselves and it has not been a nasty via paperwork wise but it is nasty when it comes to the emotions we have.

The reason for the divorce is there was infidelity on her part a few times in a short time span but i loved her through it but never (still havent completely) forgiven her. Along the way i picked up a drinking habit to the depression that followed. Which has lead to her leaving before and coming back on the promise of me saying that i will change and i never did. This latest time of her leaving we have actually started to file for divorce and our just waiting on the paperwork to return before we sign. In the state of CA we have a 6 month cool off period

This past weekend our youngest daughter had to be rushed to the emergency room do to some concerns of a prior surgery. All three of us ended up staying in the same room, that is the longest my wife and I had been in the same room since the beginning of January. We ending up telling each other how hard this is on us and how we are both tired of the leaving coming back highschool drama. After a while we started to get deeper into conversation and ended up sleeping on the same guest bed over night. We knew it was a bad idea but it just felt right. The day after i asked how if she regretted starting the divorce and she said yes/no. I also asked her if she wanted to come back to my place and order some pizza and have some time with the girls and i. She said yes she would like to but knows she shouldn't, so now we are both confused on if we should try again for a final time or give it up and cut our losses

The problem is we would lose a lot if not all of the respect from our family and friends and were not completely sure if we still love each other or were just seeking comfort and emotional support from someone we once called our soul mate. Somedays we want each other and some days we want to move on.

She has not committed adultery since her last time in the winter of 2019. During this most recent separation I have gotten help both for my mental health and for my alcohol consumption because i knew this could break me. My motivation for the last few times i "changed" was to get her back, but this time it is for me and to be the best father my 2 girls could have.

I know this may not be enough for anyone yo be able to give a response for but i am asking for advice on what you think we should do for the future of ourselves and for the future of our children. At the very least i am asking for you to keep us in your prayers as we are going through one of the hardest chapters in our life or marriage, whatever it shall be