Divorce is imminent. I have a place lined up but not until January. Which means I get to continue living here with her thru the holidays. She's going to her sister's for Thanksgiving, taking the kids. Her sister, BIL, and the cousins all have made clear to me, and me to them, that they will ALWAYS be my family, my nephews and niece, especially. Sister and BIL left the decision whether to invite me up to STBX.

I recently started seeing someone, very discreetly but she can tell. I'm relaxed, happy, confident, and not feeling like one of those miserable looking dogs in cages in that sad AF television commercial for the first time in a decade or so. Make of that what you will, STBX, but stop demanding that I tell you everything because I "live under YOUR roof." (House is actually in my name but I've agreed to let her stay here.)

Several times, she has ambushed me to angrily ask me what I've been doing, who I've been seeing, etc. I calmly said it really wasn't her business. First it was, "Why would I invite you to Thanksgiving when you can't be honest with me?" Then, "And to think, I was going to invite you to Thanksgiving with MY family!"

Finally, she said, "And you want me to invite you to Thanksgiving with MY family!"

I said, "Hold up. I have never once said the word Thanksgiving! I've literally not said anything about the holiday this year!"

"Well, well, well...(stammering) ... Well, it's been SUGGESTED that I should invite you."

I told her not to worry about it. She obviously doesn't want me there. She should go and have fun. That was last weekend. Fast forward to last night... I'm getting ready for bed and she texted me to ask me to come downstairs.

"If you want, you can come to Thanksgiving dinner. I don't want you there all day but dinner is at 7 p.m. if you want to come. We're going around 3."

I said, "Ok. Thanks," and headed back upstairs. Got to the top and she says, "You're welcome!" all sarcastically and shitty.

So, divorce community, what to do?!? She's looking like the immature, unreasonable one here, mainly because it's true. I'm dealing with someone I firmly believe has "cluster B" mental disorders. Everything is done to manipulate. She tried to weaponizie her family and my invite to Thanksgiving in order to extract info from me, which she claimed I should tell her since I'm the one who wants an amicable, friendly divorce, but admits that she'd use the info against me ("If you're hooking up with someone you shouldn't be around your family!") (I'm being very covid safe, for what it's worth, while my children routinely go and play with other kids indoors, not exactly safe.)

I told her I had finally learned to STFU, and would continue to do so at least until our settlement agreement is signed and custody established. She will use anything and everything to fuel her neverending anger and I'm done trying to appease her in any way.

So... Do I go to dinner? Accept the half-ass, last minute invite when it's clearly a last ditch effort to not look like the immature brat who excluded Daddy and Uncle from the event? Show up for dinner and be cool? I really don't want to but wonder if I should for the kids...? And what about after dinner? Am I supposed to GTFO?

Our kids are 12 (F) and almost 14 (M). Both are dealing with everything very well. Both have expressed frustration with how poorly she's handling everything. I really don't think they'll care if I'm there or not. As soon as dinner is done, they'll be back to playing with the cousins, I'm sure. It seems it will be awkward for her either way, so why give her the satisfaction?

For what it's worth, the idea of having the day and house to myself sounds awesome to me. I sorta hate the holidays anyway, the family forced to be together, stress, tension, arguments... Those are what I think of when I think of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

What should I do, Redditors???