About to hit the one year anniversary of my separation. Feeling a bit down at the moment so just wanted to get my story out there.

My wife (36) and I (35) had a pretty good marriage. Sure, we had the odd fight but nothing serious. We owned a business together, had three amazing boys (one from her previous relationship), a new house. We shared household duties equally, though I will admit I was doing a little bit more as I cared for the boys and did a lot of the cooking.

We never had a great sex life - but it was clear early in our relationship that I had a higher sex drive than she did, and I proposed to her knowing this.

Almost 10 years into our relationship (5 dating, 5 married) she had a hysterectomy to end her painful periods. As soon as she was recovered, it was clear she had changed. She had a much bigger sex drive, was more adventurous (we were sneaking make out sessions at work) and was talking about everything she had missed - like multiple sexual partners before we were together, like I had.

I had no reason not to trust her, so i I suggested that we open our relationship up, so she could have sex with some new people. Honestly, I was also turned on by the thought of her telling me about her sexual escapades afterwards. I encouraged her to go on dating apps, to buy lingerie for a potential date, etc. We discussed the fact that if feelings developed, that was ok as we both believed in polyamory. We did have couples counselling beforehand to make sure we were doing everything sensibly, and agreed that our marriage was the most important thing, especially since we had kids.

The first guy she met online, she fell in love with very quickly. Looking back now, it’s clear she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to separate sex from love. Perhaps the something happened with us a decade ago. Regardless, she developed an infatuation with him, and started neglecting our relationship. Our last date night together was all snot how much she felt for him (and how amazing I was for letting her expire this side of her sexuality).

Around this time, my mental health took a hit thanks to stresses at work. She started wanting to spend more time with him, and I felt neglected. I wore her a letter asking her to focus on us, but I understood she still wanted to see him. She couldn’t do that.

As I was packing for our tenth anniversary getaway, she came and told me it was over. My world collapsed right there.

I still feel like she was manipulated by him in some way, whether it be emotional, physical or even drugs. She just changed quickly into such a different person, even changing her ethical views (she went from someone who a few word early participated in a pride march to someone who liked his homophobic Facebook memes).

I feel like I am to blame for trusting her. Had I not tried to be an open, trusting husband, we would still be happy together. But i also hate the person she had become, and I can’t see us being together again.

Since this happened, I have focused even more on my boys and my health. I don’t drink alone anymore (only when I’m at a restaurant). I’ve lost almost 30kg (I look great more) and feel healthier. I haven’t dated much, had a few sexual hookups but that’s it. I’m seriously debating whether to fight to take the boys and myself to a new city to start over. I still have many nights where I feel completely betrayed and stupid for showing this to happen. I honestly can’t say if I’m in a better place now than I was a year ago, but I’m surviving.

Thanks for letting me rant. I just felt like i needed to get my story out there.