A bit about me. I'm M28, nondenominational Christian, less than 6 months since my wife left me, 3 months since our divorce was finaled. Married 5 years, 2 kids. We agreed our marriage was toxic, emotional abuse from both of us in different forms. I spent the entire 5 years trying to get her to go with me to couples counseling, but she just wouldn't. I don't believe in divorce, ever, for any reason, period. I said, "till death do us part," and I meant it. No other reason. Had she been physically abusive to me or the children I would've probably left her or kicked her out until she figured out her issues, but still not divorce. That's just my way. But after 5 years of mutual abuse, she met someone else and decided she wants a divorce. Most of her friends and family are divorced, so it probably doesn't feel like as big of a deal to her as it really is. I don't think she fully understood the consequences, emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, all of it. She's unfortunately always been the type to sweep stuff under the rug, afraid to deal with her own emotions and admit she's wrong and admit she needs help. And when she did try to tell me, my autism and stubbornness and pride prevented me from understanding.

So now what do I do? Move on, find someone else right away? Wait a few months or years? Being lonely sucks. I've made a few bad decisions since this storm I'm in started, but I have a God who hasn't left me.

I know what I want for my children. I want them to grow up in the same house as BOTH of their parents, with a mother and who live each other. I can't control her side of it, but I can control mine. So I will wait on the Lord and keep my vows. I said I would love her unconditionally, and until death. I will remain faithful. I will not entertain other women. I will not date or get remarried, as long as she lives.

Now you're probably wondering when I'm going to explain the title. The idea of freedom in surrender comes up often in Christendom. How do I gain freedom by keeping myself bound to my ex-wife? Here's how: I am free from worrying about the process of dating and meeting new women. It's not an easy thing. It can be heart breaking and exhausting, especially with kids. I also have a judgemental family who still loves my ex-wife, and I still get along great with my ex-in-laws. All those relationships would be strained if another woman came into my life. I also don't have time right now for a relationship. I have work, school, and two kids, so I have VERY little free time. It'll go up in the summer, but back down next fall. I also understand that my ex has issues to work on, and can't have a healthy relationship with anyone until she figures all that out. Hopefully, she won't try to. But when she figures it out, realizes her mistakes and selfishness, I will be there to tell her she has always been loved, and nothing can ever do will take away my love for her. My God in heaven loves me without condition or pretense, so how can I justify loving someone with conditions? I will accept the freedom that, as long as she is away, God is directing me to only concern myself with me, my boys, and Him, and leave everything else up to He who holds the universe in His hands.

I am more than happy to answer any genuine questions about my beliefs and situation, as long as the detail isn't too private. Feel free to AMA!