Ok. Here’s the deal. I’ll try and be brief.

My STBX and I have been in “getting a divorce” limbo for three years. We ARE NOT going to court, but doing all this with the help of mediation.

In April of this year I moved out to a house that’s 7 minutes away. For about 3 months I drove back every morning before the kids got up to take them to school.

We’ve established to some degree that the kids need some sense of consistency and now that the oldest is in the first grade, we tentatively agreed awhile back that she would have the girls the majority of the time during the week and I’d see them on the weekend every other weekend.

I started a new freelance gig and the times I was taking them to school in the morning because of my schedule had to go from 3 days a week to 1.

I do go over to my SBTX’s every Tuesday and Thursday to be with the kids.

So, they do see me almost every day.

However I’m starting to put the pieces together that in my desire to be easy going and copacetic, I’m screwing this up for myself and for them.

It’s 8:25 and I put the youngest down after an hour of crying, etc. if it was at my SBTX house she’d be asleep at 730, and I’d have time with my oldest for an hour to play pokemon cards.

So, I am planning on talking to my stbx and basically saying I want two days during the week, and then every other weekend. Having them stay over here during the week is important to me because I’m missing out on areas of parenting where, let’s face it, I’m a single parent now, I need to be involved.

There was a dynamic that my stbx took care of a lot. That’s still the case to some degree but it’s not like I’m completely inept.

So... my question is, how should I broach this tactfully without it devolving into a battle of wills with my stbx. She thinks the girls need stability as do I, but a part of me still thinks that she’s really playing this card before she wants more time with them... which hey... I GET.

But she isn’t the only parent. I’m here too and I have JUST as much of a right to figure this shit out and make it work than she does.

My stbx is stubborn, and at times has steamrolled over me in the past to get what she wants. Since I’ve been out of the house I’ve grown in a lot of ways and I kind of see right through all of it and don’t bend AT ALL. I’m still nice and things are amicable for the most part.

I just feel like I’m getting the shit end of the stick. Whenever I mention this to people they’re like, “oh, the judge can decide” and I’m like we are doing court. And they’re like, well idk.

I guess to some degree I would know better than anyone else on how to approach this conversation.

Really I’m looking for people who’ve been in a similar situation, especially with young kids

My stance is.. whatever happens, they’re going to adjust to whatever it is.