My husband M30 told me F29 about 3 months ago he wanted a divorce. It was finalized last month and I’m just fucking PISSED.

This anger is different than I’ve known. I still love him so much but I hate him for ripping the rug out from underneath me. I’m having these intensely violent dreams where I beat or choke him within an inch from his life.

I’m also starting to think that his parents always hated me. They never gave me a reason to feel that way when we were together, but just how easily they welcomed him back home and took him on vacations and supported his want for a divorce for no apparent reason was just so weird to me. My family was trying to give us ways to work it out and my husband wasn’t having it. His parents have been married his entire life and they just let him walk away with no consequences. Fucking sketchy

I also want him to hurt the way I hurt. I want him to feel what I feel. I don’t want him to be happy, at least not rn. I don’t think it’s fair I have this hole inside where our life used to be and he’s just off living his life without me. I’ve been resisting the urge to reach out, but I just want to know if he hurts the way I do. He doesn’t check in on me or anything. I hate him and his fucking family

Does it get any better? Do I ever stop hating him? Do I ever stop reliving ever fucking detail in my head over and over? I just sit here and hope he’s in pain and suffering bc the thought of him being happy without me KILLS me