Papa and I only had one week together. He came down from where he was living in his car for a month wanting to give our marriage another shot. I gave in for the hundredth time of him asking to come back and be with me. He was off states away chasing some woman with a kid he thinks is his they had before we met. She never let him see the kid and he wanted to go to court over it. He came home to do our divorce but we tried to make it work. It didn't work. It was the same problems as before. He lies to my face to get back with me. Lying saying he wants to start a family with me. Then goes back on his word. I'm 23 and really want to have kids soon and he knows this. Then he didn't want to touch me during sex, no foreplay, just put it in. And if I don't warm up to it, I always hurt myself but he doesn't care. He didn't want to try.

Then he documents our arguments and blames me for everything. Like why is he writing about me in his phone? Whole basic diary entries about me when I didn't do anything wrong. He left me for a whole month with no contact. I was so mad seeing how he sent voice messages to that girl with his kid everyday. Practically chasing after her and she doesn't love him when I was right here the whole time. I never mattered. I was never important to him. So I smashed his phone with a hammer. I was tired of him always using it to cheat on me! Then he wanted to leave so I stopped him by standing in front of his car. Then broke his side view mirrors off his car. I didn't even feel bad. He hurt me and strung me along for years and never stopped. I'm sure he got a new phone because his reddit is active again. He probably fixed his car too since he just got paid. I'll never be with him again. I'll always be alone and in pain. Hurt from all the abuse he caused me. Never able to heal. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.