It’s been a little bit of a journey post divorce and I was wondering what people’s experiences have been related to dating and healing.

We filed in January and officially divorced in May. We are super amicable. 50-50 split. We agreed to start dating once we separated last year and I had been dating consistently up until yesterday.

And so I dated somewhat obsessively. Looking for a relationship, a meaningful relationship with someone amazing. But every time I came close there was always something that made it difficult or impossible to continue. I met some really good people. But the obsessive nature of it all, the swiping and the million conversations to nowhere and the dates that ended in “no thank you” somehow always funneled into one or two people which would just end into nothingness until I started the process all over again. It almost felt like a cycle of insanity.

But I still have more healing to do. I have learned that I have a need to be responded to by women and that need is somewhat addicting and I have to learn how to self-soothe. And my friends have been telling me for months that I should stop dating and concentrate on myself and my family to try to get to a better place. To conquer the demon as it were to be in the right space for a relationship. And I told them all to fuck off.

But over this weekend I decided to rip off the bandaid, delete the apps, tell the woman I was seeing that I am not ready for her, and engage in healing, however long that healing will take place. I’m super nervous because I’m worried I’ll lose my charm, I’ll feel loneliness more then I can handle (which is kinda the point) and I’ll just be incapable of being a person. But I can do this. In my own way. (Still also having a hard time with a couple fwbs that I’m not sure I can let go of. Including the occasional message on here. But other than that I’m off the apps. Maybe I just need to cut everything? It feels like a lot.)

I’m in therapy and have been for a long time. And hopefully I’ll end up on the other end stronger, wiser, and ready for that meaningful relationship that feels so elusive.

Anyone go through a similar process? Did you end up on the other side? Is there light at the end of this dark tunnel?

Thanks for listening.