So I'll try not to make this too long, but I've held a lot of stuff inside me for a long time so here goes:

I was married for almost 20 years and the first 10 or so were amazing. Then we had a string of just one tragedy after another. Death of a child, her mom and grandmother dying, my brother committing suicide all within two years of one another. My ex never really recovered and ended up turning to drugs and having an affair with her dealer.

I took her back, we got therapy and tried to make things work but we never really got back to what we were. Eventually I started finding drug paraphernalia (dope baggies, cut up straws, etc...) in our house. I begged her to get help but it was always "those are from two weeks ago, I don't do it anymore."

I knew she was cheating again but couldn't prove it. Then one morning at work my best friends gf sent me a video she found on his phone of him and my ex having sex in our bed. So I sent her a copy of the video and told her I was leaving.

When I got home that day to get my stuff she ended up attacking me and going to jail for domestic violence. I took out a restraining order and set up a supervised visitation plan so she could still see our kids. After that I went through basically a year of harassment, thefts of my personal property, etc ...

She failed multiple drug tests and eventually lost the supervised visitation with our kids and has literally not seen our kids in nearly 2 years.

So finally after nearly 2 1/2 years of fighting back and forth I got my divorce. She got half my 401k, I got the house and two kids and no child support. And she's been denied any visitation until she completes a court ordered therapy sessions with our children.

It's been over 3 months and she's done nothing the court ordered to see our kids. Which I'm fine with. They don't really want to see her, but I'd still like her to get her life together and be their mom again.

On top of all of this are the lies she tells everyone. We lived in a pretty small town that she grew up in so everyone knows and believes her. I'm the abuser. I'm the cheater. I'm the reason she can't see her kids. It's just been exhausting. I've been a single dad for nearly 3 years and it's just not getting any easier or better.

Sorry it's so long. I know no one will read all of it, but it felt good to get it out.

Edit - forgot to mention the time she got arrested outside our house for violating the order of protection and my kids got to watch their mom get taken to jail while being messed up on dope and screaming like a crazy person. Good times.