It's been two weeks since I told my spouse of 6 years (partnered for 9) that I wanted to break up.

Part of me thinks our settled and boring domesticity is the best I'll ever do, but I went with the part that can't deal with how dependent on me (emotionally, socially, financially) she's become, how much friction there is in our household (among her, her mother next door, and my college-age daughter, in which I get to be an intermediary), and my recurring unrequited infatuations with other women (which feel like a strong sign that I'm just not able to be happy with her).

There's no constant fighting, and the problems in our lives are decidedly the first-world kind: we spend too much money on unnecessary things, we have difficult pets, she has a bad relationship with her screwed-up mother, etc. We have some medical issues that don't make things easy, but they're manageable and hardly unique among middle-aged people, and we're lucky enough to have health insurance that actually pays for their care and money to fill in the gaps.

I went through a similar breakup 10 years ago with my daughter's mom. Aside from having then got into a new relationship too fast, mostly just from letting the new-relationship-energy get to me, my life was generally better for that breakup, and I hope it will be after this one as well. This one is harder because I still have a lot of feelings for my partner, but I'm convinced (see above) it's the right move, despite the difficult feelings.

The prospect of being single in my 50s is scary, for sure. My STBX says no one is happy when they're single, but that perspective just seems too limited to me. I don't have to be that codependent, I hope. Thinking about dating again is daunting--I can see already that I won't do well in dating apps, where appearance and superficialities will push me down most people's lists. As my STBX says, though, I generally get what I want through personal connections, and I have a lot of friends and they know a lot of single women, so I'll probably be fine. I just have to have the nerve to keep putting my best self out there.

I know a lot of you all are in a similar boat. I just wanted to get all this stuff down while it seems clear in my head. You can do this too. Thanks for reading.