My ex wife and I separated a little over 2 years ago. There were several factors that played into it, some obvious and some more subtle. Anyway, we have 2 kids together and agreed to maintain our friendship as we still wanted to be in each other’s lives and wanted a healthy relationship for our kids.

However, I’m clearly the only one who actually meant that. It seemed like she did too until she started dating again. Every time she starts seeing a new guy she back to being a jerk to me. Then, for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out and I’m there to support her. After one guy in particular who she really fell hard for, she has generally treated me differently. She says these are her “boundaries” which I’m all for. Or just seems suspicious to me that every boundary can somehow justify all the times she’s a jerk or just a genuinely bad friend. She now has boundaries to guard her belief that she was the perfect wife and could never do any wrong. At least not more than once because she always “grew.” Yet of course, I never did and it was clearly all my fault. But I’m not allowed to defend myself because then I’m just violating her boundaries.

At the end of the day, I’m the only one who has actually put any effort to our friendship. I’m clearly the only one who needed it. Most of her friends stuck around while all mine abandoned me. (They were all coworkers and couldn’t accept my sexuality). So I’ve depended on this friendship but it’s all fake. So now I’m choosing to establish my own boundaries.

Essentially, I want as little contact with her as possible. Obviously, I can’t cut her out my life completely because of the kids. But are there ways I can ensure that our contact is limited? What other rules or parameters to people establish around interacting with a coparent? We’ve never established an actual plan before but now we need one.