I'm ruminating about the kinds of relationships I get into. My two longest relationships--15 years and (now) 10 years--have both been with people I have shared values and interests with, but with neither partner did I fall as hard as I have for half a dozen other people (most of whom didn't even want to date me for any length of time). I feel like my LTRs devolve toward my partners becoming very dependent on me, whereas when I've dated some of the people I was more excited about, I tend to become emotionally dependent and clingy towards them.

Is it just that it's really hard to find/build a balanced relationship, where both partners are equally excited about it? Is it that I wind up with, as my SO describes it, "broken" people, who aren't ready/able to have a balanced relationship, or that I'm broken myself that way?

I know I've given up on the possibility of my current relationship becoming other than extremely one-sided like this. After I ended the last one 10 years ago, I let myself fall way too quickly into this one. A friend tells me that "guys rarely act with intention"--I'm okay at generating intention, but the road to hell is famously paved with good ones. This time I have to make myself be single for at least six months.