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I am mid process of the divorce. We agreed about a month ago now and she left last week to go move in with her affair partner.
10 years of infidelity, me taking her back, her doing it again, and me taking her back. Tried swinging for her to attempt to normalize other sexual partners, she got WAY into them and just forgot me. I finally had enough emotional abuse and started talking to a girl (after being told she was done and she’s out and fuck you for a week). The girl and I click on what feels like everything especially stuff that my STBXW didn’t do (monogamy, working, kids).
Yet here I am again snapping awake after another dream of her leaving with her AP. Thinking about how I should have had more grace and that if I wasn’t such an idiot she’d still be here. Thinking if I meant so much to her why didn’t she fight for me, how can she turn our 10 years off so easily and quickly?
I have an amazing GF who is beyond supportive through this and I am falling for her, but these quiet times where my house is empty and it’s just me and the dogs… I miss her. I want to go back and hold her again and laugh with her again and dance to no music again and ugh…
I know I’m doing the right thing and I won’t reach out but god do I wish she would…
Absolutely, I know this. It’s hard to have all the good memories where she behaved normally and mesh those with all the infidelity and hateful things she said. I know it’s clear, I know this is right, I know I’m better off now. It just doesn’t make me feel better. I guess it’s just time that will do that.
Yeah I see one once a week. We both used to see her until she dropped my STBXW for being toxic and manipulative towards me
Oh I know it, just struggling with it all and had to let it out
She would physically be there but never worked on anything or opened up. That mixed with the damage she was causing me made my therapist fire her once we decided to divorce
I am extremely co-dependent and I know this is at the root of the issue. I struggle with being worth anything and am I adequate. I am very successful professionally but personally I’m the total opposite of my professional personality.
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Been in therapy for about a year all around self esteem. It’s been a journey getting to the point where I could tell her I wanted a divorce