My wife and I just separated after 5 years of marriage. I think it's actually for real this time. My mother went to get my 5 y/o son from my STBXW to spend time with us. We had a great time of course. But when it was time to go, he caught me off guard by saying "Come on daddy. Let's go mommy." (He has a speech delay that's come a long way this year but he still has some trouble.)

Took me a second but he was saying 'let's go home daddy and be with mommy' because I hadn't been home in a few nights. He wanted me to come home and for everything to be normal. I had to explain to his sweet soul that I wasn't coming with him and that grandma would take him home. I could tell he was sad. He kept saying 'come on daddy. let's go mommy.' Finally he got the picture and accepted I wasn't coming.

He made me give him a kiss in his car seat. I started to walk away, crushed. My mom rolled down his window again and he wanted another kiss. Of course I gave it to him. Then they drove off. I'm a 35 year old man trying to keep it together in front of my parents and sister. I won't say that I've never felt this sort of pain before, but it's been a long time. Causing my son sadness and his maybe somewhat realization of reality crushed me today. I just had to get that off my chest.

Edit: posting this actually helped me. I feel like I can actually let the tears roll my down face because I've put it out there in the universe.

Edit2: worth noting that at first I really thought I was upset for me. It took me a few minutes but I figured out I was really upset for him and angry with myself.

Edit3: Thank you to everyone who commented. Your comments helped me to open up to my family more which also allowed them to open up. I hope this nesssage gets out more.