My ex-wife and I have been separated for about 5 months, officially divorced for about 2. The last couple years of our relationship is too much to get into in one post, needless to say it was rough, and the last 6 months before I finally moved out were pure hell. I am not going to say she is blameless, in fact in those last 6 months she was straight up abusive. Always picking fights, name calling, threatening suicide, etc. However, a couple months after I moved out, she sent me a message giving me an earnest and honest apology about her behavior and I accepted it. After that it was pure business until our divorce date. Couldn't ask for a better separation, right? That's what everyone is telling me at least.

However, since I've moved out and had time to myself to think clearly I've come to accept that I share more and more responsibility than I first wanted to accept for her falling out of love with me and our marriage ending. I am not excusing her abusive behavior near the end. But when I am honest with myself and put myself in her shoes I don't see my wife as someone who is cruel and irrational for no reason, she's a person not a monster after all. I see someone who has been slamming their head against the wall trying so hard to deal with her manchild, porn-addict husband who is barely around (I was working graveyard for a good chunk of our marriage) that she just broke from the frustration and exhaustion and loneliness.

So now lately I have been wanting to do what she did for me, give a real honest apology. I will admit at least part of this is selfish, I feel a great amount of guilt. A part of me wants her back, but I don't plan on asking for a second chance. Partly because I feel like I don't deserve it and partly because there's just so much pain there I don't know if it could work. But I still feel like I owe it to her, she was my best friend for 10 years, and when she apologized to me it meant a lot and helped me out of a dark place. Is this an awful idea? Would anyone here value something like this from an ex, or is it better to just let go?

EDIT: Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I think that I'm going to take some extra time to think and clear my head, and to give her some more time too. It's too soon to contact her I think. But I think after some time has passed and I'm actually ready I'll send her my thoughts. Thank you again.