I'm the initiator. After years of neglect and lies and bad sex and no chemistry and emotional manipulation I've called it quits. I think this is right, but I know once I see less of the children it will be hard (50/50). (But also statistics say that 50/50 is best for the kids after a divorce so they can have a good relationship with both parents.) I just wonder when will it hit me?

Initiators: When did it hit you? Will I feel sad? Will I regret it? When?

Right now I feel happy/hopeful. I feel like I'm returning to myself- the self that was worn away bit by bit by this toxic relationship.

I also feel an almost warm feeling towards my STBXH. I'm happy he's moving on. I'm happy he has a chance to be with someone who could be who he wanted (subservient, conservative, meek, quiet). I'm happy I'll have that chance too.

Is that normal to feel happy and not sad that we're divorcing?

There is no infidelity on either side.