I'm only leaving after years of begging him for change and it's not happening. We tried marriage counseling for a year and nothing changed.

I haven't committed infidelity. I'm not bored. I'm just so tired of this emotionally and physically draining toxic home. I wouldn't be leaving if he just treated me with kindness and respect and love.

And yet, I'm the bad guy. I'm breaking up our family. I'm ruining the kids' lives. I'm leading us into financial ruin (even though he's the one refusing mediation or an uncontested divorce even though I'm willing to give him everything).

It's ALL. MY. FAULT.

And it's so hard to carry the weight and guilt of this. To see him looking so smug and sanctimonious as he berates me with scriptures and guilt, high on his pedestal of victim hood.

Fine. I'll be the "bad guy". But how do I deal with the guilt of it?