I’ve been with my husband for close to 12 years. Married a little over 5. Throughout our years we’ve been in the habit of checking in with each other on if we are happy and okay, and he’s always said that he’s good.

This past Saturday we took a hit and had to acknowledge that our marriage was in trouble. Sunday he made my world come crumbling down when he said he didn’t know if he loved me, but he wanted to fix things and agreed to marriage counseling. Yesterday he destroyed me by saying he wanted things to end. Today he refused to give us a chance and doesn’t even want to do counseling.

My love for him is as strong as when we said “I do.” My world is ending, I feel like I’m dying inside, I can’t breathe. I knew we needed to work on things but he never told me how he was feeling these things. Not once did he say something, I feel like I’ve been sucker punched by the one person in the world I trusted.

How do I get through this? I can’t afford our house on my own, so he’s going to keep the house and give me a lump sum of money. How do I start over again? The thought of going through the process of house hunting and buying a new house in a new city (because I can’t stay here) feels impossible. How am I supposed to function when I can’t even breathe? Someone PLEASE tell me if it’s possible because all I can do is curl up into a ball and cry right now.

I’m only 35 years old, please help me. I’m so lost.