Has anyone ever noticed a change in the way their dissociation symptoms present themselves?

I used to dissociate all the time when I was younger and it presented as a detachment from reality to the point that I was unaware of things around me - I would essentially go on autopilot and lose spans of time.

Once I entered college, I started therapy and medication which helped a lot with my dissociation in general. Unfortunately now, due to different circumstances I have neither my medications nor therapist to help deal with my episodes. Without these to help regulate me my dissociative episodes have returned and are now very frequent.

During these episodes, I’m overly aware of my surroundings due to them feeling unfamiliar and strange - like everything is a little off or beside reality, but I am unable to pinpoint why. Sometimes, my body will feel unnaturally heavy and there will be a distinct disconnect between my brain and body - like everything takes a second to long to respond, or I just have to think to hard about the action in general. It’s also very numbing emotionally - think of someone locking your emotions in a glass box and letting them bang against the sides as they try to get out, but the second they start to seep out in any way someone flips the suction on and drags them back in leaving you more numb and confused than before.

Most of these are basic dissociative traits, but I’m more curious about the fact that it’s presenting so differently now.

I’ve also noticed my immediate response to stressors now is to just shut down. My emotions go somewhere out of reach and I consciously push through whatever is going on as if it has no affect on me whatsoever. Its rather unsettling considering my reactions before would’ve been much more outwardly emotional. It just makes me feel utterly fake, and generally inhuman, which can really mess with my perception of self. This reaction is still a drastically different feeling than the dissociation, but it still feels strange to me nonetheless.

I don’t know. At this point I’m rambling, but if anyone has had a similar experience with changes like these I’d be very interested in hearing about it - or why you think those changes might have occurred.