I just hurt myself through watching this video https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=6685055066af5

I have been on a path of healing now for a while and I feel like I just made big mistake and just destroyed myself.

Myself is gone.. I feel like I lost myself in that video.. it triggered sort of trauma or something and I completely switched in terms of identity. I can't remember anything now from before in terms of thoughts, feelings and goals. All is gone.. I can't feel any emotions and everything is just flat. I want to cry, feel but I can't.

I have probable history of being sexually abused as a child. Now I feel like Im some new person or something with its own likes and preferences.. but I want my old self back. I feel like I am person in some elses body. It feels foreign, undeveloped and extremely sexual constantly.. I'm so distressed.. please anyone I come you can provide me with kind words.. I just can't..