I recently began to suspect I either have a personality disorder or a dissociative disorder. I have CPTSD, severe generalized Anxiety, Atypical depression, paranoia and attachment issues among other things that have been diagnosed already. My doctors want me tested for ADHD as well.

Other than those, I go through these "episodes". It's like my brain factory resets and I have zero idea what I'm doing, what I was doing, what I was going to do, and so on. In times of high stress I lose time. Two weeks becomes 2-3 days. I get snaps of what I did and said but none of them are really things I think on a normal basis. There are some really violent thoughts that cross my mind like I'm in a VR set and then I feel like I'm physically fighting my own self to not act out these violent thoughts. I often feel like my inner voice and I talk way too often. Sometimes I respond to my thoughts out loud unintentionally. The last time this happened I started saying some VERY uncharacteristic things. My partner even told me it seemed like I was someone else. My ex claimed that sometimes when angry I sounded like a southern black woman (very much not black nor southern). I struggle with connecting with people. I just can't seem to form actual connections with many people besides for my kids, my partner, and my dad. I never formed solid connections with people as a kid. Two friends tops and not the "spend the night" best friends everyone else seemed to have. In fact I never did. I have large gaps in memory since I was young. There are times my parents will mention memories that I just simply don't remember. While I manage fine in work, I struggle with my own emotions. It can take DAYS to figure out what I actually feel. It actually sucks. A lot. It causes issues with my self, my partner, and sometimes friends. There are times I feel/hear myself talking/acting like a child and it isn't an intentional thing. I don't want to act like a kid. I know I have a LOT of trauma and neglect in my life. A lot of abuse. I can't remember all of it. Enough to know I have it. I'm just quietly venting to a group of strangers I guess. I'm not sure what my problem is.