I’m looking for opinions. I’ve been in therapy (psychotherapy) for 1,5 years already. I could count the sessions when I discovered something new and helpful on my fingers. I remember precisely 2 sessions in which I cried or have gotten deeply emotional and have somewhat taken steps to processing those emotions. 2 in 1,5 years lmao

the thing is- I dissociate a ton. Emotions come in overwhelming bursts under stress and I struggle dealing with them then. I don’t have friends I’d trust/like enough to confide in and have an insanely strong habit of hiding all of my pain irl. I could absolutely use some help there but I can’t afford therapy more than once a week and the emotions always pass within a few hours. I either deal with them alone somehow or dissociate again… no matter how intense my week was, when in therapy- I can’t access those feelings at all. Sometimes I struggle to remember the time of emotional instability in general. I can talk about emotional stuff yet nothing is sparked. I 100% feel as if I’ve gotten over that already, as if the emotional problems didn’t exist anymore, which I guess is the main reason why the 1,5 years of therapy feels so wasted.

I need SOMETHING. I don’t care about my trauma or relationships that much- they are fine as they are. I do care a lot about my studies tho- dissociation makes all of my goals feel utterly alien / emotionally numb… It lets me “escape” stressful deadlines or pressure from teachers at the cost of me wasting time and possibly postponing it forever.

I NEED to either stop dissociating or figure out a way to work with myself despite that, but I don’t know if therapy is the right solution here.

Again- I’ve been in psychotherapy for those 1,5 years. The therapist is not trauma informed but frankly, I don’t think I will be able to afford anything better. I’ve been considering CBT, DBT and IFS though I have no reason to believe they will work any better. I fail to access (and sometimes remember) emotions during therapy, I process through nothing. Is there any reason to believe other forms of therapy will work better with that?

I’ve also been considering just joining a plain productivity group. Although it wouldn’t help me with the dissociation- I’ve been thinking maybe being in an environment where uni-related feelings are sparked more often would help.

any thoughts are appreciated.