I feel like I sometimes get stuck feeling like a nice person, emotionally close to others… I can’t feel stressed, determined, angry, lonely- despite having reasons to feel so. Then it’ll change, I WILL manage to get stressed/determined and will get stuck in that mode for several hours or days. Nothing else will feel “real”. I react differently to stressors depending on that… the exact same toxic message from a professor can either act like a trauma trigger, making me feel like a failure of a person, or be a challenge… or then it just stops feeling real and becomes closer to textbook knowledge. Not a real memory.

It just sucks because I NEED TO study rn or I’ll get kicked out of uni and I can’t feel the problem at all. The situation doesn’t feel real. I NEED the stress, I NEED the determination yet I feel like I just can’t access them. I have textbook knowledge of the memory, like I’ve been placed in a game as a character with some pre-written backstory yet don’t actually care about any of that. I’ve been feeling nice and fluffy, like a happy social butterfly since a few days and I know it’s just terribly counterproductive. I’m guessing I’m just partially dissociated… if anyone has any tips on how to deal with that, they’re greatly appreciated :/