To piggyback off the other post since several comments denied ever seeing men being told they suck I decided to just share my own experiences. This is mainly about dating so if that's not of interest to you that's fine but just letting you know ahead of time. About me, I am 34-year-old male living in Chicago, 6'0", fit, European and my dating history is pretty bad, with my relationships just turning to just using me. I would describe myself as average but I do put in a great deal into how I present myself. This is long so I provided a quick summary at the bottom.

I have tried online dating, singles mixers and speed dating all of which amounted to nothing. I got no real matches, with the only ones interacting with me being scammers/spammers or one response ghosters or women that just were verbally abusive. Singles mixers weren't any better, if I was lucky, I got to say my name before being told they weren't interested or I was outright ignored. Speed dating was the worst since the interactions I got was pretty poor.

When I spoke about this with other men their response was this was their experience as well. Singles mixers were effectively just like middle school dances with men on one side and women on the other and the few men that tried to approach got rejected.

So I tried to find a solution and I looked for it on Reddit through various dating subreddits, this was a mistake. My own mental health gotten worse with the responses I got, which either were suggestions to do things I have already done which caused a fight or that they had no idea but were certain I am at fault here.

I also noticed a pattern, men who posted lamenting about their difficulties in finding women were often told that they need to make improvements to themselves, go to the gym, get better clothing, see a barber, etc and more often than not without any sort of additional details or photos of them or their profile. If a man made a generalization how they are no good women, they got skewered, their standards are too high, they aren't putting the effort needed, etc.

Woman posting always got support, even if their post was generalizing such as there are no good men in NYC. There was no suggestions or critique at all. I would comment with questions to try and better understand a woman's perspective or view point as to answer my own dilemma and those were met with hostility. I was called names and some women who responded were oddly very defensive as well accusing me of wanting to change their standards when I just wanted to understand their standards. I never seen any assessment that they were doing something wrong even though there wasn't anything more concrete than that.

All in all my depression at this point was pretty bad. I have a problem that no one even has a hint as to what the root cause of it is nor any suggestions that I haven't already tried to resolve it.

One day I learned that certain opinions were considered to be highly problematic, akin to touching the third rail. This was in a post someone made advising users to go to offline events organized by dating apps such as Bumble. Users either thanked the poster for bringing these events to their attention and others posted their experience. A woman made a post was it wasn't a good event for her as she just ended up talking to other women as none of the men were "below her league" something that she also applied to all women not just herself, she called the men who did try and approach her and other women to be creeps for not "reading the room" and staying away from them. Me and two other men made 3 separate comments how these were essentially middle school dances with the women talking amongst each other, rejecting whatever man came up to them. I added into my comment that it seems like women nowadays are very picky and have set standards that are not just high but also unwilling to compromise on any.

I was pretty quickly attacked for my comment, trying to defend myself I linked the earlier comment from the woman echoing the same experience just from the other side. This was then deleted by the mods for "linking hateful material" and so was my other comment referring with a warning not to bring it up. I never got a response from the mods how exactly is mentioning a live comment or referring to it was forbidden but the comment in the same post submission was permitted to stay up. After I made this question public that other comment was eventually taken down.

I was told that the opinion that woman nowadays are very picky is problematic and wrong even though my opinion stems from my own experiences and sort of discussion about it was forbidden. It was maddening, imagine you having a problem, trying to self-reassess to no avail, asking others to provide their assessment but again to no avail and then expressing that perhaps the problem you face isn't something you can address yourself but is more dependent others to only be clapped back and told that it is in fact your fault.

What I eventually done is go to my public library, hop on to EBSCO and other research sites and look up whatever if any professional research was made into this and found that it does appear that my experiences and opinions were valid.

Summary: I have trouble dating, reached out for help but I was told I was at fault and doing things wrong even though no one knew what. I asked if perhaps women are just picky get told you are wrong, an idiot and at fault and dismissed only for my mental health to go down significantly as a result.