Dear friend,

It's been a while, hasn't it, old friend? Sorry I haven't really been around much lately; as you know, my family has a ton of weird traditions, and I've been taking part in the customary 'spending five years in the wild cut off from the family money' part of the traditions. But now I'm back, and I've got all the family money at my disposal, and...well, I need your help. It's a weird request, but hear me out.

As you know, my family is rich, and eccentricity is, like, our thing. So, anyway. My grandmother's trying to decide who to leave her fortune to when she dies, and...well, she's decided each of the grandkids has to pull off a different task for a year. Each of us is given a different thing to do, and whoever's been most successful with it at the end of the year is who'll she'll give most money to. And you know, me being me, I'm determined to win. Never could get rid of that competitive streak.

So, the task she's given me is sort of...way out there. I sort of basically need to take a friend- a male friend- and convince pretty much everyone in my life that they're my girlfriend. Yes. Girlfriend. Fiance. Wife. In that order. By the end of the year, I need to be married to a woman who did not start the year off in that gender.

And I thought of you. You know why. I know why.

Look, I know it sounds crazy, but...we're rich. We have access to all kinds of things. Surgeries. Medicines. Pills. Even some magical things. We can make you the most beautiful woman in the world. You know we can. I know we can.

I know you'll have to give up your life for a year, but that's why I'm asking you, and that's why I'm asking now; we both know there's not a whole lot of life for you to give up.

Look, I'll even pay you, okay? A fifth of whatever I get from the inheritance. A fifth of seven figures is still a lot of zeroes.

So what do you say? Will you do it? You don't have to agree now. Give me a call. Come round. We'll talk about it face to face.