I'm 32 and have never done anything sexually, which is at this point a self-reinforcing loop of insecurity, to the point where I kinda don't want to ever do anything because it's deeply terrifying. But like, I still have a sex drive, and all that, to some extent...like, I watch a ton of porn, and that sort of thing.

And I do desperately want sexual interaction, but...I mean, this sort of thing is kinda enough? Like, talking to women about sex, rather than actually having to do anything. I don't even like conversations where women are all "what would you do to me" or whatever, firstly because the idea of doing something to a woman (as opposed to with or for her) is inherently distasteful to me but also because I just am not the take-charge type at all and I generally have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to anything sexual.

The single most important thing to me, TBH, is women's sexual pleasure. I love hearing women talk about sex they've enjoyed, or sex they plan to enjoy, that sort of thing. To the extent I have a strong urge to do anything sexually, it's going down on a woman that really appeals to me (although, again, skill issue). I've had it suggested to me that I ought to look for a dominant woman, but the few times such women have engaged with me it's been universally terrible, they all wanted to be called "ma'am" or "mistress" which is cringily formal (and the latter is barely grammatical), use it as an excuse to push boundaries, and just generally enjoy being needlessly cruel or whatever. Which isn't my thing.

I kinda fell in love with a friend of mine some years back, and I think she broke me. I loved having her around, she was always so kind and caring and nurturing and such, knew when to push a boundary a little and when I needed her to back off, got super motherly when I was unwell...I also had the pleasure of meeting recently a woman several inches taller than me, and then that idea got stuck in my head and just the thought of cuddling up to her, stealing hoodies that were too big for me, etc. etc. is kinda great. But anyway, that friend was married, and on one occasion bragged to me about her husband's amazing cock, which got her so turned on she left to fuck him. And...that was kinda hot? Like, again, women's sexual pleasure, super hot. Thinking about him pleasuring her was, thus, super hot. And IDK now I guess I'm stuck here just thinking about women having great sex, and getting off to that, rather than wanting to fuck them myself because I would obviously be terrible?

I don't know this is all kind of a jumble, but I'd like to talk about it?