You know how the people who were high school nerds turned out to be the hottest? I think this is kind of like that...

I went through a bad breakup 10 months back. She wasn't nice, to put it mildly. My self-image was destroyed. Months of being on sociopathic dating apps didn't help matters.

I know that I'm smart and creative and kind... lots of good stuff. Somewhere inside I know all that. At the same time, I don't know what I'm worth right now. I've sometimes referred to people in this situation as being "on sale." You can have me at a discount. I'm not overly full of myself. Buy Now!!!

All of this is counter to my sexual persona which is usually quite confident and assertive. My usual personals ad follows:

A little about me:

• I’m a great cuddler. The best, actually. I should probably compete professionally…

• I have a good job designing software for a giant, evil health insurance company. I work from home in Center City, Philly.

• I’m an indie rocker and generally creative. I write songs and letters that don’t suck. I’m prepared to defend that statement. When we match up, I’ll send links to my music if you’re interested.

• Philly is my default city. Over the past 20 years, I’ve lived in Philly, NYC, Upstate NY, DC, Czech Republic, Israel, Houston… I was a consultant, so I moved around a lot. That said, part of me dreams of escaping the city to someplace with water, trees, and parking. Let’s fantasize about our dream house. That’s always fun…

• Attraction is important. I’ll send pics once you reach out. I’ll expect the same.

• Vaxed, boosted, and regularly STI tested.

• I'm into some things that I can't mention here. You might want to peruse my other posts if you're curious...

About you:

• Being genuinely smart is far more interesting than being intellectual. I like sexy but not trashy. You must be empathetic and emotionally intelligent.

• Smart is sexy. Clever is irresistible. I often want to say that I’m clever but then I’m reminded of the following quote:

“Years ago, in my earliest and pastiest days as a would-be writer, I once read a new story aloud to S. and Boo Boo. When I was finished, Boo Boo said flatly (but looking over at Seymour) that the story was “too clever.” S. shook his head, beaming away at me, and said cleverness was my permanent affliction, my wooden leg, and that it was in the worst possible taste to draw the group’s attention to it. As one limping man to another, old Zooey, let’s be courteous and kind to each other.”

Here's what's going to happen:

You're going to be a very, very good girl for me. I'm going to tell you what to do and you're going to say "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Daddy." I'm going to spank you when I'm in the mood. You're going to spend a lot of time with my cock in your mouth. Your love language will be Acts of Service.

You will be nurtured. You will revel in my praise and affections. You will cum for me. I'm going to enjoy making you squirm.

Someone once said to me, "The sub trusts her Dom with her physical safety and the Dom trusts his sub with his unseemly desires." It's a gross oversimplification but I do love the sentiment.

If your little pussy likes the sound of this then be a good girl and say hi.

Here are some things I like:

• Movies: Wings of Desire, The Jerk, Secretary, Reuben & Ed, Sid & Nancy, Bill & Ted, Harold & Maude, Blade Runner, Annie Hall, Rear Window, Zombieland, Better Off Dead, Scott Pilgrim, Shaun of the Dead, Spinal Tap!, Pootie Tang, Can’t Hardly Wait.

• TV: Bob’s Burgers, Always Sunny, Game of Thrones, Dexter, Community, Troy and Abed in the Morning, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly (pretty much anything sci-fi), Sherlock, MST3k, I Think You Should Leave, Fleabag, Broad City, Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers, What We Do In The Shadows.

• Books: (Lots of the classics) Salinger, Kundera, Confederacy of Dunces, To Kill a Mockingbird (Fun fact: this was written by Bruce Lee’s sister, Harper.), Day by Day Armageddon.

• Bands: Haywood, Archers of Loaf, Seam, Softies (Those are all 90’s indie bands), Elliot Smith, Wet Leg, Frightened Rabbit, Phoebe Bridgers.

I don't usually favorites, though. It can feel like a kindergarten activity. "So what's your favorite color, little Billy?"

Looking forward to hearing from you…