Earlier this year, I posted a dick pic on here, to a few different subs. One of the subs I posted to was a primarily FTM one, as I'm pan and I really wanted to explore my sexuality. From that one post, I ended up getting quite a few DM's, and one of them really just stuck out to me. (We'll call him A for the rest of this)

A DM'd me about how pretty my cock was, and how much he would love to be fucked by me. And in that moment there, I will admit I was pretty smitten. No one had ever liked my pictures like that, and no one had made me feel so positive about my body.

We ended up chatting a lot (more me yapping at him) and I became truly obsessed. I'm not proud of it, but A did admit he had a boyfriend, yet our combined lust made both of us forget that, at least to an extent. We chatted about all sorts of things, both sexually and not, and it really seemed like this was a friendship that could have the possibility to last a long time. A was verbose, sexy, and a damn cool person to talk to.

And then A dropped the bomb that was where he was from... about a 20-25 minute drive from my house. A town where my work was giving me a hotel room the next week. and I informed A of it quite quickly, and it looked as if there was a real possibility of us hanging out and meeting up.

Then one day, A told me he was going on a hiking trip with his boyfriend. Now, as the situation we were in, this was what it was, and we even kept texting each other when we had the chances. And then tragedy struck. A deleted his reddit account out of nowhere.

Now, it's not like it was the end of the world, as A and I truly only chatted for a few weeks. Yet in a way, I feel as if A was my biggest what-if in life. And to me, I feel like I need the closure of knowing what happened, yet I'm not even remotely sure what to do except wonder 'what if.'

Sorry for the length of this, I just needed to get this off my chest. Also, please don't yell at me for the infidelity thing, I already feel bad enough about that fact.