well, it's not as dirty as you guys expected but at least something real...

When I started college, I wasn’t exactly alone. Ryan, my best friend since high school, was there too. We’d been inseparable for years, and it was comforting to have him by my side in this new place. Our first year was mostly online, and even by our third semester, people were still kind of distant, so we kept hanging out, just like old times. He was in a different program, but we spent most of our free time together, grabbing coffee, study sessions, or just meeting up at the library.

One night, after a rough week of assignments, we went out to a small pub near campus to unwind. We shared a few drinks, laughing and talking about old times, and it felt... different. There was this quiet closeness, a kind of tension I hadn’t felt before, like we were noticing each other in a way we never had. On the walk back, he made some joke, and in that moment, I felt this sudden pull toward him. Without thinking, I leaned in, and we kissed, but as soon as it happened, I panicked and pulled back. I laughed it off, made a joke, and we both pretended like it was nothing. But it didn’t feel like nothing.

After that night, we went back to "normal" though it didn’t feel quite the same. By the end of the semester, he’d started seeing someone else, and I transferred to my dream school. I’m happy where I am, and I know he is too, but every so often, I catch myself thinking about that night, wondering what might’ve happened if I hadn’t brushed that moment off so quickly. Maybe things between us would be different now.