That feeling of peace and overwhelming joy had taken over my heart as I begin to sing “Mary did you know?”. I look around me at the sea of red shirts filling the chior loft, we have worked so hard for this moment. 6 months of practice after practice for the annual Chirstmas program. I looked at the steeple and smiled, the world was right again.

I looked out on to the crowd and my heart stops. He’s wearing a frown and his arms are crossed. I can’t believe he’s here …. I think to myself and stop myself. Rule 28, never underestimate a best friend. Who would have thought a rule we made in college after I cleaned up his puke would apply now.

I walk up to him after the performance and not even his sour expression can bring me down. “I can’t believe you hopped a plane to be here.” He huffs “rule 28”. I just smile a bit wider , seems we are still on the same page after all. He reaches down to hug me close and I pull away. I shake my head and look around the waning crowds. “They will think we are dating and talk.” Oh he’s pissed. I can see it all over his face. He grabs my hand and leans me outside the church to his rental car. “Get in we need to talk”. Now it’s my turn to huff “not when you’re in this mood.” I point at mine two rows over and start walking to it. He’s hot on my heels and is pulling the handle before I get door unlocked. There’s a slience as I start driving somewhere. “Where too?” I say in a relaxed tone. Something clearly up but I’m not going to make it weirder. “Our mountain” “Our mountain ? We haven’t been there in years!” “Rule 13” Ah the rarely used rule 13. If your bestie needs an adventure you have an adventure. Oh this is going to be bad. I pull into the gravel parking spot and head to the bench over looking the hills. It’s silent here and regardless of how much our lives change, but this place never does.

“How’s the family?” His eyebrows knit together as he looks at me. “Fine , why?” I look at hime confused. “We don’t pull this rule unless a loved one dies or a bad breakup. I know for a fact that you are single”. There’s a long pause before he answers. “You have changed. I’ve lost you. You don’t make time for our friendship and you aren’t you” I stare at him in shock. The man who seen me through so many years. The man who’s called me on the worst moments of his life. He’s hurting. I sigh and take a deep breath. “I’m still me silly , I found my faith again that’s all”. He stares out into the mountains and frowns “when did you last write ? When did you last cum ? … damn you wouldn’t even let me hold you because they were looking !” Nope that anger still there and mine is rising. “Hunter ! Husband touch there wives as you were about to touch me! We both know a forehead kiss wasn’t far behind it.” He stand up and walks two steps away before turning to face me. “Frankly who gives a damn because you never did. Or was it not you who regularly snuggled me to sleep ? Was it not you who told me to focus on the head ? He lifts up his arms to make air quotes. “You’ll come faster” , right ?! That was freshman year and almost a decade ago now. I start to but it but he keeps going. “You fucking know who you are. You didn’t bat an eyelash that day. You write , you fuck and embrace all your weirdness. Now you’ve put yourself in a bloody box”.

Finally he calms enough to sit back down on the bench and take a breath. I try to level my voice as I look into the depths of his eyes. How did we get here ? Where did we go wrong ? “This isn’t about Jesus. This is about us. You’ve been on most of my adventures and now your an ocean and a faith away.” He doesn’t say anything for a while then grabs my hands. “Come back with me , let’s go back on adventure and find ourselves” I start to pull away but he keeps my hands firmly in his. “Hunter. my life is here.” He shakes his head and gets up to leave. “I’ve really lost you haven’t I.” I rise and follow him down the path back and yell. “I want more than this , I want a life. I want to build something real with someone. Maybe get married!” He leans on a tree and starts laughing. “Married ?! You hate marriage. No, actually you don’t believe in it! Of course you the person who breaks up with any man who hints of a ring box wants to get married!” My heart breaks as I look at the tree and the mess I seem to have left him in. “What do you want ?” I ask softly and walk up to pat his back. “What I’ve always wanted , us”

Whether he meant as a romance or a best friend , it didn’t matter because I had to make a choice. An adventure and my bestfriend or the new life I’ve made.