My family doesn’t know that my brain switched recently, that I no longer think I’ll go to hell if I do anything sexual before marriage, even avoiding looking at porn for all those years. People my age have had so much sex and I’ve never even been sent a nude.

Waking up to that realization has been a bit crazy.. and now I’ve just been nonstop on Reddit, looking at naked women, jerking off every chance I’m alone, wishing I hadn’t been brainwashed this entire fucking time. Porn itself is bittersweet. It’s beyond hot, completely mind-melting, and torture for someone who hasn’t had sex yet or been involved sexually with anyone in the slightest.

But as much as I want to lose my virginity and get over that hump (without my family knowing, they’d be horrified), I have been wanting to enjoy the bittersweet torment of my situation for now.. the tease of it all.. stroking to the jealous thoughts I feel, wanting someone to tease me for it, make me squirm, make me writhe.. make the moment all the better when it finally arrives.. someone who enjoys saying such things to get a rise out of me, a desperate groan, perhaps a “please” here or there.. an equal back and forth that is anything but equal in power..

So I’m hoping the thought of doing that is exciting to you too. Maybe you have a thing for teasing about your sexual preferences when it comes to race.. hence me including that I’m white in the title. And if you read this far, include the smiling purple devil emoji in your message just for a bit of fun and so I’ll know you did.. looking forward to chatting..