I find better and better way to describe the things that I need, but I still can’t find that one person who will push me into complete submission and take control of my mind leading me to destruction.

I crave the feeling I get when I’m forced, for example, to lick the ass of a man I just met online and invited into my home to use me. The deep regret, the shame and disgust I feel as I lick him obediently, because my past is so fucked up that continuing when I hate it is what feels natural and normal to me.

This post is not necessarily an invitation for something like the above. Or maybe not immediately for sure. This is me calling into my life someone who by that’s special force of chemistry can trap my soul and help guide me into the degradation and self hate that I need.

It’s so strong, the need to be guided into something so dark and painful. And as strong the need to be witnessed and seen in my depraved and pervy moments, when I’m So gooned out, drooling and in a complete loss of control, that I can be pushed over my limits and forced to get my pleasure from an experience I reject.

It’s hard to explain how strong it is when arousal is forced on you in moments when you are engaged in a sexual act that disgusts you. And when that’s coupled with getting my cptsd triggered it’s like I’m transported into a different state of mind beyond sub space and it’s something I can’t deny even when it leaves me drained and hating myself.

Over the years of using my submissive mind to self harm sexually my pussy has learned to get wet when my trauma comes up. And sharing that with someone is so depraved and deep it’s almost spiritual

But all in all I want someone to destroy me. A sociopath that will use this crave against me and ruin me.

Is that you?

You should know: I’m non binary masc presenting but my sexuality is of a little girl. Please be ok with that.