The Ultra Vanilla Kink

Lets conform.

We are the filler of the J Crew suburban upper-middle class, clean cut middle management Merlot loving, charcuterie and tapas on the weekends people. We like checkboxes and worry too much about what other people think about us -- because people don't think about us. We like modesty and sweaters and light color palettes and church, and even if we're not really believers, we believe we should be.

We like to have exciting friends who have the same kinds of jobs as we do and are really passionate about the local sports team, and interesting hobbies like gardening. We like to watch our passionate friends, and nod and smile and say affirmative things, and feel safe in our vicarious positions.

We like to meet up with our same gendered friends for two-drinks-at-most and talk about how its a party and make off handed comments about how our other gendered partners are frivolous or shallow or don't pay enough attention to us. This makes us feel better about ourselves.

We're so vanilla that sex is something reserved for those risque television shows we won't admit to watching on Netflix, or when the lights are out so we don't feel quite so embarrassed about being quite so human. Masturbation is something that horny teenagers do, and teenagers are gross and naive. That's what we tell ourselves as we touch ourselves in the shower, trying not to make a sound, desperate for pleasure, terrified of telling our spouses what we really want.

But, something goes wrong.

We meet each other.

Maybe it's at a Starbucks.

Maybe it's at a company party.

Maybe it's in the parking lot as we drop off our spouses at the athletic club.

Lets role play the ultra vanilla lifestyle unravelling under the brute force of lust. I'm looking for a partner who wants the long play, the tease, and the teeth grindingly hot knowledge that eventually someone is going to risk it.

I can't wait to play.